Alchemy

Avery at Nineteen Months!

2012-01-11T00:54:00.002-05:00

This is much delayed... Avery is now 20.5 months. But we left our cameras in Kansas and had to wait for them to ship here. Anyway, here it is!

Nourishing Beef Stew

2012-01-03T16:37:00.002-05:00

So, your bone broth is ready and you want to make a stew with it. Here's a delicious and nourishing recipe. You will love this stew!

First I will say, not everything below fits in the pot at once. You can use two pots, or what I do is just put as much in as I can and then add more the next day after we eat some of it.

Ingredients:

Your homemade bone broth, it's probably about a gallon? of liquid once you strain it
4 lbs (grassfed, preferably) beef (I use ground, but you can use stew meat or anything really)
2 onions
6-8 stalks of celery
6-8 carrots
2 sweet potatoes (not the orange yams; you can use regular potatoes too)
3 cups mushrooms
4 whole tomatoes
several sprigs of thyme
2 cloves of garlic, crushed
5-6 TBLS sea salt or more; to taste (I know this sounds like a lot, but you can really salt liberally since there is no salt in the broth yet; salt to taste, but this is about how much I use)
2 teaspoons ground pepper
1.5 cups red wine
1 teaspoon ground cloves (optional)
several pieces of orange peel (optional)
your bone marrow (optional)
1 TBS gelatin (optional)

Method:

1. If you are using your bone marrow, which you set aside in the freezer while your broth was cooking, defrost/cook the marrow in a skillet. A lot of fat will come out, as well as the marrow cooking. Once it's no longer red or pink, add it into your stock pot, fat included.

2. Brown your beef in a skillet. I did 3 lbs, and then added the fourth the next day.

3. While your beef is browning, chop all your veggies, but start with about half of each veggie to see what fits in your pot. You can add as much as will fit, and then add the rest the next day. Everything else aside from the veggies, use the full amount.

4. Put everything in your pot and bring to a boil. Cover and simmer until the potatoes and carrots are soft. About an hour should do it. Cook it longer if you use stew meat cause it will take a while for the meat to soften up. With ground beef it's already soft.

5. Serve and enjoy! You will encounter some thyme sprigs and the orange peel. Don't eat them, just pick them out as you find them. You could put that stuff in a cheesecloth sachet before you add it to your stock so it's not floating around randomly and you can remove it easily, but if you don't have any or you are lazy like me you can just pick them out.

Let me know if you make this!

How to Make Beef Bone Broth

2012-01-02T23:41:00.001-05:00

I made some bone broth last week and filmed the process so I could show you how to do it. It's really easy! And totally worth it. I'll post the recipe for the beef stew tomorrow.

What's new

2011-12-14T18:15:00.000-05:00

Ahhh, well, the 18 month sleep regression did finally hit us. Right after I started feeling like "phew! maybe we won't be affected this time..." ahahahahahAAAA. It just hit a bit late. Right before Avery turned 19 months old (on Thanksgiving). It's a perfect storm of teething and language developmental leap (I think... who knows? I keep trying to figure her sleep out, but it's like trying to see one of those 3D images pop out of the pattern. You keep staring and staring, and then you catch a glimpse, but then you look to hard again and it's gone...). Her two molars on the bottom are coming through, and she is talking up a storm now. I keep hoping she is going to snap out of it one of these days soon. We're going on nearly a month now of seriously disrupted sleep. And this after a blissful couple of months when she was sleeping SO WELL (for her). It's just a phase; it's just a phase (I hope).

I don't know if it's exactly because of this regression and its effect on me - loss of sleep, loss of freedom at naptime and night - or if I'm just at a point in my life, or some combination of the two, but I have been in the WEIRDEST mood lately. I can't say I have exactly been wishing for another life... I like the one I have pretty well. But I've been thinking about the crossroad points in my past and the decisions I've made and wondering if I'd done something slightly different, where would I be now. Maybe I'm having some kind of 1/3 life crisis or something? It seems to be passing, kind of. Or maybe I'm just distracted now by the holidays and our travel plans and Christmas shopping.

I can probably blame this nagging feeling for my change of heart about what Adam and I are planning to do when his detailing window comes up in March. We've been scheming and dreaming about how we can get to Colorado Springs and get out of the military there, and buy a house and put down some roots. But it came upon me one day that maybe part of my feeling (of vague dissatisfaction?) was looking back at how many adventures I've had and feeling like that's it, no more adventures. I'm not ready to go sit on the porch and grow old. And it occurred to me that we could still move around if Adam stayed in the military, and we could even try to get orders to Europe. We were on the verge of going back to Germany in 2009, right before I got pregnant with Avery. Adam was offered orders to Africa Command in Stuttgart, but we turned it down for a variety of reasons. And I'm so glad we did. It was the right choice to make at the time. I'm not sure how I would have survived Avery's infancy being in such a weird transitional phase in my life (leaving work for full time motherhood), in a foreign country so far from family. It was right to stay in Hawaii. Though, we did that in part because I thought I might continue working after Avery was born, which I didn't.

Anyway, to get to the point, we are now thinking of - leaning towards, even - requesting orders to Germany or England after our time is done in Hawaii a year from now, and also staying in the Navy for the long haul. I likely will not return to work for at least 5-10 years from now (considering a second baby at some point), so that reason for being somewhere for the long-term is gone. And we could have more adventures! I loved living in Europe as a young adult and would love to go back and travel with Adam. I have my hesitations with it. I think about how depressed and isolated and lonely I felt after Avery was born and I think maybe I am crazy to go to Germany where I will be potentially even more isolated and lonely than I was in Hawaii. On the other hand, I'm used to the mommy gig now. I'm over my shock, I guess. I think even having a second child will not be as hard as it was for me going from working to full time motherhood. And Avery will be older and easier to do stuff with and not as dependent on me. We could wait until our time overseas is over or almost over to have another baby, and spend our time traveling and enjoying being a family of three. (On the other hand, I'm no spring chicken, I'll be 36 by the time we leave there... is that tempting fate? Maybe we should not wait to try for another since fertility declines sharply after age 35. Oh, but people are having babies in their mid to late 30s all the time now! ..... See? See how I just keep going around and around about this in my head?!)

So that's kind of where we are right now. Just talking about all this ad nauseum until we get down to the wire and HAVE to make a decision. At which point we will probably ask for Europe and let the fates (i.e., the detailer) decide.

Avery and I are in Vegas right now. We are meeting up with Adam on Friday in Wichita to spend Christmas with his family. They are so excited to have Avery this year for Christmas! I think it will be a lot of fun for her. Adam's dad is already planning on showing her all the animals, and since Adam has a big family there will be lots of kids around. Avery LOVES other kids and babies! I'm still not sure how two introverts ended up with such an extroverted social butterfly, but I think it's a good thing.

I had a couple of friends over a few weeks ago who have new babies, and I was holding one of them, and Avery kept saying, "bay-bee!" and patting her, and giving her kisses and trying to pick her up. It was so dang cute. She will love seeing her new cousin Gracen for the first time!

Avery loves her baby dolls. Just today she came and said, "poo poo!" which usually means she just pooped in her diaper - we are working on that - but she wanted to go to the potty. When we got there, she plopped her dolly down on the potty! She then insisted that I take dolly's clothes off so she could poop. Then Avery peed in the potty while dolly peed in a little bowl. Haha. Yes, it's adorable. She also likes to push her babies around in the stroller or her shopping cart. And she likes to feed them when she's eating, she offers them forkfuls of food and says, "Nummy-num!"

Now that she's starting to really talk more, she has lots of cute toddler-isms. For example, she calls the stroller her "go-go". I bought a toy nativity set for her and told her all about Mary and Joseph and the baby Jesus; she calls them "May-may", "Jo-Jo" and "Dee-dshus". Her favorite thing to say is "no" not surprisingly, and she says it so cutely you can't help but smile and/or laugh, which I'm sure only encourages her. You ask her if she wants to do something and she says it kind of like "Nyo!" and shakes her head. Do you want to put your shoes on?! "Nyo!" If she does something she shouldn't (like if she spills something) she'll point at it and solemnly say "Nyo, nyo, nyo." Which is what I say to her lol. She also says "oh nooo!"

Her pronunciation is a bit lacking still, but she'll try to repeat just about anything you say, even stuff you don't think she is paying attention to. If you are having a phone conversation that doesn't involve her and she's playing nearby, and you are getting ready to say goodbye, she will call out, "bai!" and go "mmmm-mah!" (giving kisses). If you get on the phone with anyone - the credit card company, the doctor - she will come running over and say "HI! HI! HI!" Anything that's shaped like a phone (or a "bone" as she calls it), she holds up to her ear and goes, "woh?" (hello) and then she talks gibberish into it like "unnnrrreemmuuhrrrr".

She gives unprompted kisses and hugs, and she is so much fun and such a love. This is really the best age!

Avery and Santa

2011-12-14T17:21:00.000-05:00

We took Avery to visit Santa Claus on Monday! We went to the same Santa in Town Square (Las Vegas) where we got such a great picture last year. This year's was pretty cute too.

Avery is excited about Santa... we point him out in her books and at the store when we are out. She knows who he is, (Dan-dah!) and that he's exciting, though she's not quite clear on the finer details. But in person, she wasn't sure she wanted anything to do with him. Can we blame her? To her he's just a fat, scary stranger! Why would she want to go sit on his lap?!

When we first walked in, we asked her if she wanted to go sit with him and she said, "No!" So we hung back and watched the next family come in and get their pictures taken. After that she allowed us to sit her on a rocking horse in front of Santa, but the whole experience was just too overwhelming for her and she wouldn't smile. After only a few minutes, she looked around at all the strangers in the room, bewildered by the giant flash of the camera, and started crying. The end! (Of course, we whisked her up right away and once she was in my arms she was ok again, and said "bai-baiieee!" to Santa on the way out the door.) Overall a success.

Our Kauai Trip Video

2011-12-08T01:29:00.001-05:00

Here's a little video montage I put together of our trip to Kauai. Enjoy!

Avery's 18 Month Video

2011-12-05T19:35:00.001-05:00

In case you didn't see this on Facebook, I'm posting it here too!

Our Paleo (ish) Thanksgiving Feast!

2011-11-30T18:21:00.001-05:00

We've been eating more or less paleo / primal / Weston A. Price around here lately and we didn't want to eat a bunch of stuff we don't normally eat, but we still wanted to have a delicious meal with all of our favorites! Luckily there are ways to adapt many recipes to make them paleo-friendly. Here's our beautiful table right before we dove in.

And here's our gorgeous turkey! I had never roasted a turkey before (though I've roasted plenty of chickens), so this was a new adventure for me. I followed Martha Stewart's recipe for turkey and gravy and it turned out fantastic! I definitely recommend this method of turkey roasting. Our bird was not dried out at all. Instead of traditional stuffing, I stuffed the bird with half and onion, half an apple and a few sprigs of thyme. I also don't truss the bird because it helps it cook faster and the breast doesn't get so dried out.

Along with our turkey we had these coconut flour drop biscuits. They are so yummy! You seriously won't miss regular biscuits with these.

This is the recipe I used for my cranberry sauce. Making your own is surprisingly easy. This stuff is more tart than the canned stuff, but still delicious!

This is not exactly paleo, but way closer than normal pie. It's my own creation, a pumpkin-pecan pie. Pumpkin filling with a crumbled pecan topping. I used this recipe for the pumpkin part (subbing butter for coconut oil in the crust; and I didn't use any coconut milk), and the topping is just butter, crushed pecans, almond flour and a little bit of brown sugar (about 1/6 cup of each almond flour and sugar). It was SO YUMMY! I actually prefer this to regular pie. No, really.

Green beans. Instead of the usual yuck-of-mushrooms in a can to make a green bean casserole, I just did mine with carmelized onions, mushrooms and tomatoes. It's not quite the same, but still quite tasty.

Bird fresh out of the oven. It was cooked perfectly! Hope your holidays were all as good!

Grandma's 100th Birthday

2011-11-11T16:22:00.001-05:00

We just got back from our whirlwind trip to Tennessee to celebrate my Great Grandma's 100th birthday. It was a fast but fun trip and I'm so glad I went. I was on the verge of backing out at the last minute since I was sick, and Avery was sick, and I couldn't clear my ears and I didn't want to think about packing or flying. In the end I rallied and I'm happy I have those memories now.I learned a few things about my family, like that Grandma used to ride in a covered wagon (what?!!), some of her first dates were on horseback, and there used to be a town in Arkansas named for my family, established by my Great Great Grandfather. I wish I could ask Grandma more about her life, but her mind is mostly gone. When we first saw her, I said, "Can you believe all these people came to celebrate your 100th birthday?" she said she wasn't 100 yet and when I told her she was, she said, "Well my goodness! I can't believe I lived to be a hundred years old!" I don't know why I'm just now waking up to an interest in her life when there were dozens of years when I could have asked her about it. I have so many questions for her now that will never be answered. The coolest thing happened too: Grandma was in the elevator after her party and a nice woman heard it was her 100th birthday and gave her a hundred dollar bill! She told her to go get her nails done. She was the wife of one of the Cincinati Bengals. So awesome!

Is your antiperspirant dangerous?

2011-10-30T20:09:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I told you before that I recently stopped using antiperspirant and I'm sure you were all scratching your heads and wondering how smelly I am now. And possibly you were also wondering WHY??? I'm sure you all remember hearing a while back (I remember first hearing this about ten years ago or so) that the aluminum in antiperspirants is bad for your health. Back then I think it was mainly the alzheimer connection? Well, I can't point to any peer reviewed studies that show definitively that antiperspirant is causing disease, but I can tell you that aluminum is no bueno.

Like I said, I'd heard of this idea before, but I more or less ignored it because who wants to have stinky pits? And also: no scientific evidence that antiperspirant in particular is bad. But since Avery was born I have been taking a harder look at our lifestyle and making some changes. I mean, I started moving towards a more "natural" lifestyle after I had cancer in 2006, but now that we have Avery, it's even more impetus to examine our exposure to harmful substances and try to reduce where it makes sense to do so.

What really got me thinking about this is researching vaccines for Avery. (Another topic I fully intend to talk about at some point, I promise!) Now, by this point in time, *most* of the mercury has been removed from *most* of the childhood vaccines.*** But many still contain aluminum, which can be just as harmful to humans. I predict aluminum will be the next target of outspoken safe vaccine advocates. Right now, research has yet to explore fully the dangers of aluminum in vaccines. But the CDC itself says that exposure to high levels of aluminum may result in respiratory and neurological problems. So, yes, the aluminum in vaccines concerns me. And I started wondering, where else are we being exposed to aluminum?

First of all, aluminum is ubiquitous in our environment. It's in water, food, and even the air we breathe. So you're never ever going to reach zero exposure. But if I see areas where I can reduce exposure without too much difficulty, to me, it makes sense to do it. For instance, sometimes pots and pans are made of aluminum. And when you heat stuff, especially with acidity involved (like tomato, for example), toxins can leach into food. So no aluminum in the kitchen. Obviously, don't drink out of aluminum cans. Avoid antacids, which are high in aluminum. Use aluminum-free baking powder. Ok, so this is all pretty easy to do. But giving up my antiperspirant??? I didn't know if I could!

But if you think about it, you shave your armpits, which causes microtraumas or even outright nicks where your skin is open, and then slather on antiperspirant. Your skin absorbs stuff more readily than even ingesting it, and it bypasses the liver and goes straight into your bloodstream. Plus more of it is probably getting in there because of the open skin. I don't know; I'm not a doctor (duh), but this sounds, like I said, no bueno.

Even aside from the aluminum thing, antiperspirants work by inhibiting your sweat glands from working. Sweat is a major pathway for elimination of toxins from the body, so it's also short-circuiting a process of detoxification.

It took me a while to fully make the switch once I decided antiperspirants were bad news. For a while I more or less decided I would risk the potential health hazards in order to prevent body odor. See, it's the aluminum that has the antiperspirant effect. You can buy deodorants without aluminum, but they don't prevent you from sweating. I tried a bunch of "natural" deodorants but none of them worked one lick. I would be stinking within 30 minutes of taking a shower. Hey, it's hot and humid here! I searched high and low for a women's deodorant that was NOT also an antiperspirant. Apparently they don't make one! I considered using a men's deodorant, since there are several men's products that are deodorant-only. But they all had food coloring and other "bad" stuff that I'm trying to avoid, so, um, choose your poison right? Finally I discovered that Arm & Hammer makes a deodorant without antiperspirant. And it actually works!

Don't get me wrong, it's definitely not the same. If I sweat a lot, or I'm outside all afternoon, I do start to stink more than with antiperspirant. But For me, it's a fair trade to get rid of a product I was using on a daily basis that I really feel is not good for my health. Or Avery's, since aluminum IS excreted in breastmilk.

So that's it in a nutshell. I'm curious to hear your thoughts. Do you use antiperspirant? Have you tried any natural deodorants? Leave me a comment!*** P.S. on the mercury in vaccines thing: most vaccine manufacturers have worked to remove mercury from childhood vaccines, but trace amounts do remain. And some vaccines given to children DO still contain mercury, the biggest one being the flu shot, which, if you get one every year is kind of a lot of mercury exposure. But like I said, more on this subject later!

Pumpkin Patch!

2011-10-30T19:13:00.000-05:00

This post has a lot of pictures so hopefully it doesn't take too long to open it! Yesterday we finally made it to the Pumpkin Patch! Yes, it was quite dusty and windy, which was unpleasant, but we had fun nonetheless. Avery really enjoyed seeing all the pumpkins and running through the patch.

Avery caught a ride on her dada's shoulders and helped pick out our pumpkins.

We also saw some banana trees! Avery kept saying "nana! nana!"

Nice pumpkin.

Heading out with our treasures.

Hey, it's a tractor! It's very exciting when you are 18 months old. If it weren't for the dust and wind we might have gone for a ride. Maybe next year!

October

2011-10-29T17:31:00.000-05:00

So much for going to the YMCA's playgroups! I feel pretty certain that is where Avery got the particularly nasty cold she came down with a couple weeks ago and then subsequently passed on to me. I was trying halfheartedly to avoid getting infected, but when you are nursing a toddler, it's darn near impossible. The fatal blow came a few days into her symptoms when she woke up in the morning, popped her little head up and coughed, then sneezed, directly in my face. The she says, "hi!" How can you not just laugh? Of course, then she kept trying to kiss me. I tried to turn my head, but she didn't let it rest until she planted one right on my lips (smearing her snotty nose right on mine - lovely). If there was any chance I was going to avoid getting sick too it went right out the window that morning.

I held out for a good week; I started loading up on vitamin C, taking shots of apple cider vinegar and tablespoons of coconut oil (home remedies of dubious value), drinking a liquid multivitamin/mineral supplement, and cod liver oil. While it didn't prevent me from getting sick, who is to say whether I would have been sicker without all that. The worst part is that I can't clear one of my ears! It's the most uncomfortable and annoying problem.

I'm supposed to be getting on another plane back to the mainland on Monday, but I don't know if I will make it if I can't clear my ear. That could be bad. I really want to go because my Great Grandmother is turning 100 years old and I don't want to miss out on the party & family reunion.

So that's what's been occupying us for the last couple weeks. Fun. I know you can't live in a bubble so your kid doesn't get sick, but I think I'd rather Avery get sick later when she's weaned and I can maybe not get sick every time she does! To be honest, the playgroup kind of squicks me out a little because the toys are old and they all feel sticky and I see kids put stuff in their mouths and then other kids pick it up and EW. Are you laughing at me for being a germaphobe? I really try not to be paranoid about it, but those type of activities are like petri dishes for germs. There was one kid there who had a hacking cough and I thought about scooping up Avery and leaving then and there, but we stayed and you know the rest of the story.

Avery's 18 month birthday was last Monday. My baby is a year and a half old! She is really changing a lot right now, after a somewhat stagnant period between 15-18 months or so when she seemed more or less the same day to day. Now each day she seems different: saying more words, doing different things, doing the same things differently. The biggest thing, of course, is her language development. It seems like she is saying - or attempting - new words every day. She will imitate just about anything, even when you don't think she is listening or paying attention!

The other big change of late is that her sleep has improved SIGNIFICANTLY. And I feel comfortable saying that without fear of jinxing it because we've already gone through a short time of worse sleeping again. So I know with teething and whatever she's probably going to regress again, but overall the improvement is nothing short of miraculous. We put a mattress on the floor in her room and now at night I nurse her to sleep there and then I can get up and go downstairs and she stays asleep for HOURS usually. Like I often go to bed before she wakes! I am crazy and I love sleeping near her, so I usually go lay down on the mattress with her and sleep there until her first wake up. Then I carry her to my bed and she stays there with us the rest of the night.

Did I tell you Avery likes to eat seaweed? I buy momi nori (shredded seaweed) and she eats it right out of the bag. It's kind of hilarious. I find the stuff pretty repulsive, but she loves it.

I've been experimenting with making bone broths and I'm really loving it. I highly recommend you try it; it's so nutritious for you. The easiest is probably chicken broth. I just buy a whole chicken and roast it. I save the heart, neck and gizzards in a bowl in the fridge for the broth. I stuff the chicken with thyme, sea salt, onion, garlic and lemon wedges, then cover the skin with butter, salt and seasonings and roast at 425 for about 1.5 hours. Then we pick the meat off and eat it for dinner and save all the bones with the gizzards in the fridge. The next day I put the bones and gizzards in a pot with water and a couple tablespoons of vinegar for an hour. Then I turn on the heat, add carrots, celery, onion and thyme to the pot and bring it to a boil, then simmer for like 12 hours. Then I strain the broth and make a chicken soup out of it. I do something similar with beef bones too. We just made a beef stew yesterday with some broth I cooked for four days. It's so delicious! The broth really makes a difference and it's so nourishing. Avery didn't care for the chicken soup, but she likes the beef one. Her favorite thing in the world to eat is still chili. I can't explain it, but whenever I make it, she will often eat a big bowl of the stuff.

Avery is napping now. When she wakes up we are headed to the pumpkin patch! I am not planning to dress Avery up for Halloween this year, but I definitely want pictures of her in the pumpkin patch!

Seventeen Months of Avery!

2011-10-29T01:06:00.000-05:00

Here's the latest video... lord knows I need to sit down and write something... she's 18 months old now. So this is from the last month. We've both been getting over nasty colds (boo) and I've been catching up on the last season of True Blood. Enjoy the video!

Avery at Sixteen Months

2011-09-30T03:23:00.002-05:00

Of course Avery is now 17 months old (!!). This video is a compilation of clips and pictures from the last month. Enjoy!

Now inside then inside now

2011-09-24T18:19:00.001-05:00

Avery's down for her nap. She was tired and fell asleep fast. It's so sweet to nurse her to sleep, but especially when she is really tired because she just cuddles in all soft and warm. Adam took Avery to the neighborhood pool to go swimming this morning and she got all tuckered out. She likes to go swimming, but lately it seems she is more aware and therefore more nervous in the water. She prefers to be in the shallow water where she can stand.

(Adam and I are watching some Texas Aggie football while she's sleeping. BTHO OSU!)

While they were gone, I watched the season premiere of Grey's Anatomy - Oh my gosh you guys, I was crying into my fizzy water by the end at the stuff with the baby. I can't see or hear anything having to do with babies without getting completely affected by it since Avery was born.

After I had cancer was the first time I really wanted to become a mother. I mean, I always knew I wanted kids, but, you know, later. I was too busy with life then, too wrapped up in making a mark in the world. Then I got that call: it's cancer. And suddenly my world collapsed to the size of a pin. Suddenly I wanted to hug my children. To know my parents better. To accept more love instead of keeping it conveniently at arm's reach. I realized I was missing out on what's really important in life. Who knows where I would be if I hadn't been diagnosed with cancer. Probably still single, still in Washington, working on a promising career in public service. Some days I miss that hypothetical alternate reality. But mostly I feel so greatful for my wake-up call. No doubt I am much better off in my real life.

Watching Grey's Anatomy, the last line in the show really got me. I'll have to paraphrase, but it was something like: You think falling in love is the only thing in the world that can fill your heart to bursting or crush it completely. And then you become a mother. So true. I thought I knew the heights of tender affection or depths of heartbroken despair, but the limits of those emotions got stretched beyond imagination once I became a mother.

Motherhood is such a bipolar condition. There's so much joy, so much love and happiness. But beneath it all is an undercurrent of heartbreak. Or rather, potential heartbreak. Or perhaps just the fear of it. And wistfulness too. You sense the fragility of life - the fleetingness of it. The impermanence. Nothing is guaranteed. You want to hold on: tighter, tighter. But even as you grasp, laughing and smiling and drunk with love, it's already gone. Time moves away from you into the past, into memory. These babies. They change and become children and then they have children, and I suppose it's all well and right and good. But. But. And we want it, wish for it even; relishing every milestone and step towards independence. Relieved when they finally sleep on their own all night, or feed themselves, or stop nursing. But. It's also heartbreaking.

My dad is in the process of converting old pictures and movies into digital format. While I was home I got to see not only movies of myself as an infant, but also movies of him as a kid. It's strange to watch videos of yourself as a baby. You know it's you, but you have no memory of or connection to the images. My dad holds two-month-old me on his lap in his bathrobe. He says, "You're in the movies now, Michelle!" My grandmother lovingly bathes me in the sink (I fit in the sink! Me! So tiny in the sink!), and then I subsequently peed on her lap. My mom lays on the bed next to me and coos, "Ah-goo!" (just like she did with Avery) and I gaze at her and kick my feet gleefully. Then I watch my grandmother, not yet twenty(!), so beautiful and mid-century glamorous, playing with my dad and his brother as toddlers. My strong, heroic father, squealing with laughter and so bursting with energy and happiness, he runs a spontaneous lap around the yard - he can hardly hold still for the video.

Two moments in time, separated by thirty... fifty years, briefly experienced simultaneously. Now, watching then. I had just hugged my grandmother on her 75th birthday, and there were a couple of times over the weekend when I was not quite sure she knew exactly who I was. Certainly, when she saw Avery on our second day there, it was clear she did not remember seeing her the day before. My glamorous and dignified grandmother, who we are slowly losing to Alzheimer's. Watching that video of her with her young babies was so heartbreakingly poignant. Surely that was just a moment ago? And now here I am, mothering her great-granddaughter, and watching videos of her mothering my father. It makes me wonder: if we knew, would we still...?

Life is fragile. And fleeting. You want to hold on. Tighter, tighter.

Avery winking

2011-09-16T16:58:00.003-05:00

I was going to add this in my last post, but it was taking too long to upload, so here it is.

Untitled from Michelle Seiler on Vimeo.

Lately

2011-09-16T16:01:00.001-05:00

Friends, we have been busy. As the state of neglect on this blog attests! I had to hack my way through ankle-high weeds to get in here. We have been on the road for the past three weeks - two days in Las Vegas, then five days in Dallas, two days back in Vegas, then four days in Colorado Springs and now back in Vegas. We head home to Hawaii next week. Phew. We went to Dallas to celebrate my grandmother's 75th birthday and my dad's whole side of the family (minus a few) were there. Avery got to meet her two second-cousins who are about her age. We then tagged along with my folks to Colorado where they were attending Dad's Air Force Academy reunion, and we were visiting my aunt and cousins and scoping the area out. We are hoping (wishing, dreaming, planning) to move there after our tour in Hawaii is over in a year and a half.

I feel like I've been gone so long I don't know where to start, so I think I'll just throw some random stuff out there and you can consider yourselves updated! Though I can't promise things will pick up on the regular again here, since Avery is down to one nap now and thus I get a mere one hour break from her in each 24 these days. Oh, who am I kidding? I know it's just me and Mom reading. I make myself keep writing here so I will remember this in 30 years when Avery has her babies and says to me, "What was it like with ME, mom??" and I don't have to give her the response I keep getting from my own mother: "Oh, sweetie, I don't remember; that was THIRTY years ago!!!"

**I guess I will start with sleep since it's been the major theme on this blog these last 16 months. Avery is now down to one nap and I patently refuse to walk her to sleep any more (barring extreme circumstances). It's bittersweet. Sweet because she goes to sleep more readily now, while nursing, and I am no longer spending several HOURS a day walking her down (oh the frustraaaation). Bitter because I now get only an hour break from her during the day. Yes, you read that right: she is only napping for one hour a day (sometimes less). The nights are about the same, still sleeping with me, still nursing every couple-few hours, though thankfully with fewer hours-long wakeful periods in the night. Sadly, I was just yesterday reminded of the dreaded 18 month sleep regression (YE GODS have we not suffered enough), so that is on our horizon now that the elf is nearly 17 months old.

**Avery is right on the verge of the "language explosion". The past few weeks, she has begun "saying" lots of words, and by saying I mean she tries to copy the sounds she hears. She still doesn't actually SAY any words except for hi, mama, dada and yaya clearly. The words she knows and has a sound for that more or less approximates the actual word are (I'm sure I'm forgetting a few):

hi
mama
dada
yaya
poppy (pah)
alright (yah-eiah)
yes (yeh)
no (nah)
no, no, no, no! (nah nah nah nah nah!)
bubbles (buh- boh)
banana (buh or sometimes nah)
woof (uh!)
meow (myum)
moo (baah (?) )
chicken (bok-bok)
owl (ooh, ooh)
up up (buh-buh-buh)
down (daow)
water (wa-wa)
night night (ni-ni)
moon (mooh)

Plus, she will imitate any sounds she hears. Like the other day she was just whining and whining and I finally said, "AVERY! Oh my GOSH!" (in exasperation) and she immediately started going, "GOH! GOH!" over and over. I've been really working on not letting any shits or damns slip out.

** I have lots of ideas for things I want to write posts about! In addition to co-sleeping and vaccinations, I also want to tell you why I stopped using antiperspirant and toothpaste. Look at me! I'm turning into a regular old hippie over here. The 2001 me probably would have scoffed and rolled her eyes at the 2011 me. I don't do any hippie things because of a moral imperative. I do them because they make sense. For me. You can do whatever you want, if it makes sense to you. I'm not on a crusade, internet, I'm just telling you where I'm coming from.

** Avery is currently 16 months GOING ON SIXTEEN. For pete's sake, this child has a mind of her own and she will HAVE IT KNOWN. I suppose this is totally normal, age-related behavior. And it probably only gets worse (if you have older children and you are cackling with schadenfreude glee as you read this, for the love of god, don't run to the comments and tell me how much worse it gets!). Avery is throwing temper tantrums in earnest now, and I find myself torn between not wanting to pick fights with her when I want to leave Macy's and she doesn't, and not wanting to be ruled by a BABY. And that stuff about distraction? Ha! Haaaaaaa! You obviously haven't met my child, Avery One-Track-Mind. If you try to deter her from her mission, she... well, she simply will not be deterred. She WILL find a way to toddle back into the bathroom and climb up on the counter to get to the small, breakable objects, the second you are not looking!

** But, holy cow, she also does the CUUUUTEST things these days. For example, my mom has this statue of Buddha in her room with some pretty stones in its hands that Avery loves. The other day we were sitting outside and she got a rock from the yard and toddled back into the house with it. When we went to see where she went, she had gone to Mom's room to give the rock to the Buddha! Yesterday she was sitting next to Buddha giving him kisses. She plays games like hide and seek. She points things out. She winks! She constantly amazes me with how much she "gets" and how much she is learning every day. She's becoming a real PERSON and it's blowing my mind.

Well, she's up from her nap now, so I guess I'll hit the publish button. I think I pretty much covered the highlights. Hope all of you are happy and well!

Avery at Fifteen Months

2011-08-24T01:26:00.000-05:00

My girl. Oh, my sweet, pretty little girl. No one told me I would be so affected by this baby. That I would glance up from scrambling eggs and see her squatting on the kitchen floor next to me stirring her bowl of air and my heart would melt into my stomach. I fall in love with her all over again every single day. Multiple times a day.

She toddles into the kitchen and gets a hold of my purse and slings it around her neck, and pushes her toy shopping cart around adding toys to the basket. It dawns on me: she's copying ME! I look down from the mirror as I'm getting ready and she's trying to brush her hair with my brush. A slideshow of my life flashes before me as I think about her watching all the things I do during the day. I think about how I snarked at Adam for forgetting to bring a towel when he took Avery to the pool. About bursting into tears when I broke a casserole dish and ruined an entire CASSEROLE (that I spent hours shopping for and preparing, nonetheless my reaction was a bit melodramatic). I think about that whole chocolate bar I just devoured. She can't copy THOSE things. No, no, no, no. Obviously I need to be a better person.

We've been busy and we're about to get on the road again. We're headed back to the mainland for a family reunion! And Avery is only napping about an hour a day these days. Adam asked me if I was abandoning my blog... NO! How I wish I had more contemplative time for blogging! I did manage to put together another video...

Push and pull

2011-07-21T20:47:00.000-05:00

Avery stops nursing and breaks her latch to smile up at me, her eyes shining. She waves her foot in the air, inviting me to play our game, and I oblige by pretending I'm not going to kiss her foot, then capturing it and showering it with kisses all over. "I'm going to kiss ALL of your toes!" I tell her. "Muah, muah, muah, muah, muah!" And she giggles into my breast. Satisfied, she turns her body towards me so we are tummy to tummy and continues nursing. A memory of her newborn days bubbles up and I reminisce about nursing her in bed in the early morning, her arms pinned to her sides in her swaddle and her tummy pressed against mine, surrounded by a nest of sheets and pillows. I remember thinking, I want to remember this always. The way this feels. But already I kind of forget. Laying there, her whole body used to fit above the bend of my legs. Could she really have been so tiny? It seems impossible now, holding this big baby, her legs stretched out over the arm of the chair. She is the same to me from day to day, and yet, she has changed so much.

Someday she will be grown, I think to myself, and suddenly a wave of sadness passes over me. I miss her already. I stroke her hair and her dimpled arms and her butterball legs. She reaches up a chubby hand and pats my face, then stops nursing to say, "Mmm-mah!" She resumes nursing matter-of-factly.

I am wearing the carpet thin, walking circles in the dark carrying Avery, waiting for her to be asleep enough to lay down. I'm humming, but my mind is churning. I think of Adam downstairs watching tv and feel jealous and resentful. My back aches. My right arm is numb. Why am I doing this? How much longer till I can go have my tea? How much longer till she outgrows this? Avery stirs in her almost-sleep and turns her face towards me on my shoulder. In the light from the hallway I can see the pale moon of her baby cheek, the fringe of her eyelashes, and the soft pout of her lips, her bottom lip is sucked in slightly making the shape of an upside down heart. Suddenly I am overwhelmed by the urge to kiss her sweet face, to nuzzle her neck and smell her head.

I stop myself - she is almost asleep and I don't want to wake her. Adam. Tea.

I try to memorize the weight of her in my arms and the mold of her body against my torso.

I think I can lay her down now. As I shift her weight, she stirs again and wraps her little arms around my neck. I hesitate. She doesn't want me to leave her. I could stay, I could sit with her in the rocking chair and hold her while she is sleeping, listen to her breathing. Instead I lay her down and she stays asleep. My wistfulness is replaced by a triumphant feeling. Success! I am free for the moment to join Adam downstairs.

Later, he and I climb in our bed together and turn out the lights. I lay awake in the dark thinking of her. Is she ok? Is she safe? Is she warm enough? I think I cannot sleep, but when I hear her sharp cry on the monitor, I am jolted from a dream. Secretly I am happy that I can go gather her up and snuggle her down next to me in bed. I think, someday she will sleep on her own all night. And I miss her again, though she is right there. I am curled around her protectively. She nurses and starts to fall asleep so I unlatch her. She rolls over and puts her diapered bottom against my tummy. My heart is full.

Colds, naps, playgroup

2011-07-16T16:30:00.000-05:00

Possibly the greatest injustice of motherhood is that when everyone else gets sick, you take care of them, and when you get sick? You still take care of them. That's my round-a-bout way of telling you that we're all getting over colds, thanks to Adam who brought home the latest bug. He works in a windowless office (literally) and doesn't get enough vitamin D, so you can't be too surprised. This was

Avery's first time getting a cold though. Even though I've been sick SIX times now since October (!!!) she never got even so much as a sniffle (yay breastfeeding!), but I guess that couldn't last forever. She had that fever thing a few months ago, but that was her only symptom. I'm not sure if I prefer the fever or the cold! The fever was kind of scary, what with the limp and listless baby and all, but the runny nose and inability to breathe is annoying!

Anyway, so, sick husband all weekend, sick baby starting Monday, sick me starting Tuesday. Happily it wasn't a bad cold at all and I was mostly functional throughout. Cause like I said, no one took care of me (boo hoo). Speaking of colds, though, I have to tell you all about this awesome iPhone app I discovered (or Droid if that's your poison). It's called LactMed and you can look up any drug and whether it's safe for breastfeeding.

Avery has started to branch out socially. Our next door neighbor has a three year old and if she sees him outside playing she wants to go over and join in. So we met our neighbors, yay! Anyway, she told me about a playgroup the YMCA holds so we went to check it out on Thursday. I was a little squicked out by the state and general stickiness of all the toys, but Avery thought it was great fun and careened around playing with everything for about five seconds each.

The only way we were able to go is because I was trying to solve our sleep problems by forcing Avery down to one nap. With her napping around ten every morning, we haven't been able to go to any playgroups or meet ups. And I spend too much time fighting to get her to sleep three times a day (two naps and night). But it didn't seem to have much positive effect. She was more tired and easier to get down, but slept even less than before, so I think we are back to two naps for now, and I'm back to spending several hours walking the child around until she falls asleep every day.

Sorry this is so disjointed. Adam and I are trying to watch True Grit in 20-30 minute intervals while Avery takes her catnaps, and it's on in the background right now so I've mostly lost any unifying thread in this post. I have several posts floating around in my head, including one on co-sleeping and one on vaccinating - why we are not.

Avery at Fourteen Months

2011-07-09T16:25:00.001-05:00

Enjoy!

Babies need their mothers!

2011-06-28T16:41:00.003-05:00

Via Melissa McEwen, the following article:

Keeping Mother and Baby Together – It’s Best for Mother, Baby, and Breastfeeding

The video "shows babies who, when left undisturbed on their mothers' bodies immediately after birth, find themselves, crawl to it and suckle with competence. It observes also those babies whose abilities are either impaired or negated because of exposure to intrapartum meds, separation from their mothers after birth, or both."

Great information about how mom and baby should be together for at least the first hour after birth, and how important skin to skin contact is for the newborn baby. Check it out and let me know what you think!

Fourteen months of Avery

2011-06-24T16:27:00.000-05:00

Today is Avery's fourteen month birthday, and it also happens to be Adam's birthday! Happy birthday honey!

Avery at fourteen months is my exuberant little cherub. She is developing quite an attitude lately! The terrible.... ones? It must be frustrating to be only fourteen months and be thwarted from doing what you want at nearly every turn and not be able to even complain about it with words. The other day she threw an absolute FIT in the middle of Costco. I put a container of dates (one of her favorite things) in the cart and she decided she wanted one RIGHT. NOW. So after trying to futilely distract her while enduring withering looks from other shoppers passing by the scene, I finally cracked open the container and gave her one. Good grief! I can't wait till she turns two. Or twelve! Haaaaaa.

She's making more attempts at saying words here and there. If you ask her what a cow says, she goes, "Buahh" (moo, duh). Kitty says "myuhm", doggy says "uhn! uhn!", milk is "mahm", and she even said bah-bah (bye bye) yesterday.

She's such a love. She loves giving kisses and hugs, and getting them is the best thing EVER. No, seriously, ever ever. Just look how cute:

Untitled from Michelle Seiler on Vimeo.

This is such a fun age! The best age so far.

Just when I was all set to give her to the gypsies

2011-06-22T14:57:00.001-05:00

Ahhhhh this child. Yesterday she only took one nap, so I knew it would mean an early bedtime. Last night went like this:

7:00 - lights out, nurse to sleep

7:30 - in bed! Yay, that was quick, now I can go downstairs and make my tea and talk to Adam.

7:50 - awake. Dammit, that was only twenty minutes. Haven't finished my tea. She's going back in her crib for a while longer.

8:40 - finally asleep and in bed again after nearly an hour of nursing and walking. At least I can go back downstairs and finish my tea.

8:50 - awake. Again. AHHHHH. To hell with it, I'll just get in bed with her.

9:30 - finally. Asleep. Aaaaannnnd here comes Adam making enough noise to wake her up.

11:45 - yes, ELEVEN FORTY FIVE. She finally went to sleep again after hours of walking, nursing and frustration.

6:45 - awake for the day!

And of course she was fussy and grumpy all morning. I was seriously about ready to give her to the next gypsy I saw. We had breakfast... well, actually, I had breakfast and she ate a few bites and kept signing "more" but then wouldn't eat anything I offered her more of. And after breakfast I carted her upstairs to take a nap.

Nursing a toddler is like trying to nurse an octopus. There are legs and arms flailing everywhere. Well, I was already feeling a bit put upon by the previous 14 hours' ordeal, so nursing an octopus was kind of like the icing on the cake.

Then all of a sudden, Avery stopped nursing, pulled my face down and went "mmmmm-mmah!" (her kisses) and started giving me kisses over and over and laughing. Oh my god, she can melt my heart. I decided I would keep her after all.

I'm pretty sure she is popping another tooth out. Two and a half down, twenty five to go. Hold me. Or better yet, send cookies! (For me, not the baby. For the baby, perhaps you have some kind of heavy duty tranquilizer??)

Lately

2011-06-08T13:58:00.000-05:00

Hard to believe our time in Vegas is drawing to a close already. Has it really been three weeks?! We leave tomorrow. It's bittersweet - bitter because we will really miss Yaya; sweet because we get to see Dada again.

Avery has changed so much even just since we got here. She decided the day before we came that she was done with crawling. She is now walking everywhere, as you could see in the last video I posted. We even went to Nordstrom's to get Avery her first pair of shoes! After which she went toddling through the mall carrying her Eeyore around by the ear and grinning at anyone who made eye contact with her.

She loves shoes and will go get her shoes and bring them to me to put on her. A couple days ago in Kohl's we were trying a pair of shoes on her, but then decided not to get them. She was very upset when I tried to put them back on the shelf! She carried them around for a while and would not even be distracted by toys when it was time to leave the shoes behind! She also loves adult shoes and tries to put them on her feet.

People are drawn to her when we take her out. So many people stop to say hello to her and Avery always obliges them with an adorable grin, or she waves or wrinkles up her nose. Are all babies like this? I have zero experience with babies other than Avery so I don't know if she gets an abnormal amount of stranger-baby-attention or more.

We took her to our favorite Mexican restaurant in town and she had the best time. Besides eating copious amounts of guacamole and chicken, she made friends with all the waiters and bussers in our area. Every time someone passed by the table, she leaned back in her high chair and grinned and waved until they acknowledged her.

We had a fun visit with Aunt Barbara too, who enamored herself to Avery by teaching her all kinds of cool things like how to sign "more" and how to eat ice chips. You can see her doing both at the end of the Thirteen Month video I posted: Barbara was feeding her ice chips and she kept signing "more"! She also showered Avery with toys including her now beloved Eeyore, a dolly and her very own purse!

We can never do more than one or two things when we leave the house because we have to be home in time for Avery's afternoon nap. This child does not nap in the carseat or the stroller like every OTHER baby in the entire known universe. So we mostly hung out at home and enjoyed the company and exploring the back yard. We did have a few adventures, including a trip to the MGM hotel to see the lions. Avery really liked seeing the baby lions and practically turned herself inside out to get to them (she couldn't because they were behind glass, but right at her eye level).

Avery is eating a lot lately, and one of her very favorite things is chili. She consumes entire bowls of the stuff! She also eats eggs, avocado and bacon for breakfast, fruit - especially strawberries and blueberries, and she even got to eat some peaches from Poppy's peach tree!, steak, shrimp, asparagus, cucumbers, zucchini and even a little bit of dark chocolate.

She doesn't say any words besides hi, Mama, Dada and Yaya yet, but she often tries to imitate what you say. I had a sore on my foot and she was trying to get it off of me by scratching at it with her fingernail (thanks!) and I said, "owie", and she tried to imitate me. She was also trying to imitate me saying "poop" (booo) and a few other words. If you tell her to call me and I'm in the other room, she'll start toddling to find me and say "MUM! Ah-ma! Mom-mom!" Oh, and she blows kisses. Yes it's as cute as it sounds.

Luckily Dada has a three day weekend, so we will get lots of time with him when we get back. Then it will only be a couple weeks before Uncle Blake and Inge come out to visit us in Hawaii! That is sure to be a fun time of beachgoing, hiking, restauranting and who knows what else.

Avery at Thirteen Months

2011-05-31T13:08:00.000-05:00

Music is by Elizabeth Mitchell

Baby Yaya, Baby Michelle, Baby Avery

2011-05-30T13:22:00.000-05:00

I think I see a resemblance.....

Photo Shoot!

2011-05-29T10:54:00.000-05:00

These are some of my favorites! If you want to see them all, I posted them on Facebook or on Avery's Shutterfly.

If you need the password, send me an email at new dot michelle at gmail dot com and I'll send it to you!

That was strange

2011-05-20T21:09:00.003-05:00

The goshdarn WEIRDEST THING just happened. I was upstairs nursing Avery before her nap and suddenly she stopped nursing and rolled her head back and forth. I thought, oh great, here we go, I'm going to have to walk her down to sleep. But then she nestled her head in to my arm and ... I can hardly even type it ... she just ... went to sleep. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. That has NEVER happened before in her entire life! I feel like the clouds parted and a small beam of hope came through. These have been some rough weeks, sleepwise. But it may be that we are nearing a comparatively easier phase. And I can see a tiny glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel. I don't harbor any illusions that this is going to be happening on the regular now or anything, but at least I know it CAN happen.

I know I talk about the child's sleep (or lack thereof) every other time I post here. It's probably my greatest parenting challenge, if not the greatest challenge of my ENTIRE LIFE, and I don't think I'm exaggerating here. I was talking to my aunt the other day and she could not believe Avery was only napping 20-30 minutes. She said she has a friend whose one year old naps for FOUR HOURS each day. FOUR! I can't even imagine what that would be like. I spend hours every day getting Avery to sleep, and that's not even mentioning the nights! And then she naps for an hour. A DAY! If I'm lucky.

And yet, I think about how far we have come. I remember the early days when I could hardly lay her down to sleep. I would just get in bed with her each night because she wouldn't stay asleep without me there. Or then when she was napping four times a day and I would spend 30 minutes walking/bouncing/patting/humming her down and she would wake up as soon as I got back downstairs and need to be resettled again. Things have gotten better, in a sort of spiraling two steps forward one step back kind of way.

It's not just sleep; there's been other evidence that she is pulling out of this regression. Like today she spent a long time playing while I was sitting on the floor with her, and I was alternating between reading blogs on my phone and interacting with her, instead of having to focus my attention 100% on her. Or if I announce that Mommy is going to the potty! she will stand up and start toddling after me instead of exploding into hysterical wails.

Oh, and last week I took her shopping a the outlet mall and she spent the whole afternoon riding around in her stroller or crawling around in the dressing room while I was trying stuff on. It was fun! I can remember when I thought I would NEVER be able to do that. When Avery was about a month old I went with my mom to the base exchange and commissary and spent the whole time sitting in the food court nursing Avery while my mom went in and shopped. And then Avery cried in her carseat on the way home. I remember thinking, what was the point, I could have just stayed home and been more comfortable. And, I am never going to be able to go ANYWHERE! Ah, times have changed!

I don't want to give the impression that the sleep issue is the biggest or most important. It does kind of give me writer's block, though. I mean, if I spend 30 minutes putting her down and I know I probably only have 30 minutes before she wakes up, I don't exactly feel like sitting down to blog about all the adorable things she does. Know what I mean? Even though the majority of the time we are having fun and she is being adorable.

Anyway, here's what we've been up to:

* I'm siiiiiiiiiick. Agaaaaaaiiiin. Seriously, I have been sick more times since I started nursing than in the entire previous decade! I can't help but think it has something to do with nursing depleting my nutrient stores or being run down in general. UGH! Oh, and the toddler? Still here, even when I'm sick and feel like schlepping between the couch and my bed all day.

* We had a professional photographer out to the house to take our family pictures. The same guy who photographed our wedding. I think they will turn out really cute, I can't wait to see them (we should get to see them sometime this week).

* I'm going home to Vegas for a few weeks on Sunday. With Avery, of course! We are super excited.

* Avery is getting good at walking. She is still a bit unsteady on her feet, but she toddles around quite a bit now and it's so WEIRD to see! Watching her grow up is such a trip.

Aaaand she's up! Forty minutes!

Another developmental spurt

2011-05-11T16:25:00.000-05:00

A few days ago I got an email from the Wonder Weeks saying that Avery was starting another developmental leap.* Which explains a LOT that's been going on around here! The sleep being even more wacky than usual (one night she was up for FOUR HOURS in the middle of the night), the whining, the clinging, crying whenever I'm not paying full attention to her... of course it's because she's discovering "the world of programs". Sure enough, I've seen her doing a couple of things that indicate she is catching on to "programs" (mopping the floor is a program, for example). If you hand her a rag, she will wipe the table; with a bowl and spoon, she will stir and offer you a taste. Apparently when they hit these developmental leaps, their brains change so they actually see the world differently and it seems scary and overwhelming to them so they fuss, cling, and regress for a while.

Yesterday we were playing a game while she was nursing. She was swatting/patting/grabbing for my mouth, so I pretended like I was going to chomp her hand and she cracked up. She kept putting her hand up for me to pretend-chomp over and over again. I'm not sure what was so hilarious about it, but she was laughing so hard.

* If you go to the Wonder Weeks website you can enter your email address and they will send you an email right before your baby is supposed to hit a developmental leap.

What we were up to today....

2011-05-09T22:14:00.001-05:00

Untitled from Michelle Seiler on Vimeo.

Not bad for a Monday.

I guess there's a first for everything

2011-05-05T17:20:00.000-05:00

My poor baby has her first fever. Boo! It started Tuesday night and got up to 103 last night. I just took her to the pediatrician and looks like there's no infection, so just a virus that has to run its course. No other symptoms, though, thank goodness. She's napping right now. Somehow being sick is actually making her sleep LESS, if that's even possible... she only napped for 20 minutes all day yesterday! I hope she gets some sleep today, fingers crossed.

Historic Moment

2011-05-03T14:38:00.000-05:00

I'm sure you all were doing the same thing on Sunday night. It's kind of strange that Avery will never know a world with Osama bin Laden. Or Saddam Hussein, for that matter.

Breastfeeding Part V

2011-04-30T19:31:00.001-05:00

Finally I am wrapping up the breastfeeding series! This post is a collection of things to do and buy that can help you have a smoother experience. I hope these posts have been helpful! Let me know if you have any questions or comments!

1. Read "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" (8th ed.)

This is the "bible" of breastfeeding. It's published by La Leche League and covers pretty much everything you need to know about breastfeeding. Read it while you're pregnant and have it on your bookshelf for when questions come up after the baby is born.

2. Take a breastfeeding class

Most hospitals offer a breastfeeding class to expectant mothers. Our Bradley class covered breastfeeding, and I also took the hospital's class. The latter was the most helpful. It was taught by a lactation consultant for the hospital so she was able to go over information specific to the hospital.

3. Have a plan

Think about what you want to happen in the moments after the birth and make sure you convey it to the nurses. If you want the baby placed on your chest immediately and you want to nurse before they take him away to weigh/measure, make sure they know that. Think about what you want to happen if you have to have a c-section. I reached down and pulled Avery up on my chest as soon as I saw her, and I held her there skin-to-skin while they stitched me up. I also got her latched on before the pediatrician examined her. (We also didn't give her a bath until like 2 weeks after she was born, and I wouldn't do that again either! Sponge bath is enough; poor baby was traumatized.) I keep telling Adam that IF I decide to have another baby, I'm planning to do it either at home or in a birthing center, and that I don't want my newborn baby taken from me and crying hysterically while some stranger pokes and prods under a bright light.

4. See a lactation consultant

Most hospitals have lactation consultants on staff. After you and baby get to your room and get comfortable, ask to see the LC! She can answer any questions you have, help you get baby latched, and show you some different positions to nurse in. While you are at it, go ahead and make sure the pediatrician you choose for your baby has a LC on staff too, so if you run into any problems or have any questions after you leave the hospital, you have someone to call. Don't hesitate to talk to a LC and nip any nursing problems in the bud.

5. Lansinoh

Buy a tube of this stuff. You will want it a few days after the baby is born when your nipples start getting dry & cracked from being sucked on. It won't hurt the baby, so go ahead and slather a bunch of it on. You probably won't need it in the hospital, but go ahead and put it in your hospital bag. Have your husband put it on the baby's bum before diapering her: it will prevent the meconium from sticking to her skin and make it easier to clean her up! That stuff is like sticky tar.

6. Nursing pillow

First I had a Boppy, but after I saw the hospital's LC, who showed me the Brest Friend, I was sold. Get the Brest Friend. The name is ridiculous, but the concept is golden. With the Boppy, the baby kept sliding down into the space between my belly and the pillow. Since the Brest Friend fastens around you, it prevents that from happening. It makes it much, much easier to get the baby positioned and latched, and lets you relax without the baby sliding away when she's so tiny. I used my Brest Friend pillow until Avery was seven months old, and even brought it back to the mainland with me in my suitcase when we traveled to my sister's wedding!

7. Nursing station

Find the chair you like to nurse in best, and set up roost there! Have your ipod, computer, books, whatever you like to entertain yourself, plus plenty of water, burp cloths, baby blankets, Lansinoh, and snacks nearby. Now sit down and nurse the baby. Have other people bring you drinks and food! I stayed in my room and the nursery in my rocking chair for at least two weeks - did not even come downstairs.

8. Nipple shells

Ah, yes. I would have loved to have some of these, but I couldn't find them locally and didn't want to wait for them to come from Amazon because I figured I wouldn't really need them anymore by the time they arrived. I suggest you have some on hand in case you want to use them. Basically they keep your bra or shirt (or anything) from touching your nipples. When you're sore and the skin is chapped, the last thing you want is your bra getting stuck to the nipple skin or rubbing on them! It was only a few days... ok, two weeks, maybe? Less? ... that I really needed these. I actually used saran wrap over some lansinoh inside my bra instead and it worked, though probably not advised because there's no air circulation. I would express some milk and dab that on the nipple area, let it air dry, then slather on Lansinoh and cover with saran.

9. Bookmark Kellymom

Kellymom.com is a lifesaver! I was on that website CONSTANTLY in the first few weeks, reading pretty much everything she had posted. It's a wealth of awesome information. Definitely bookmark the page and poke around on there before you start nursing. Then when questions come up, you'll know, oh I saw something about that on Kellymom, and you can go find the answer. I still go on there regularly whenever I am wondering about something breastfeeding related.

10. Check out Dr. Jack Newman

This is another FANTASTIC breastfeeding website. Go watch all his videos so you know what a really good latch looks like! Then check out his articles too, in case you have any questions.

11. ... and Dr. Sears

Another website. I love Dr. Sears, and his website has some great info on it. If you're like me, you like to research everything and get several opinions, so add his site to your bookmarks too. The link goes right to his breastfeeding articles, but he addresses other parenting topics as well.

12. Get a nursing bra

Preferably one with no underwire. Oh, sure, they will tell you at Nordstrom's that underwire is just fine for nursing moms. Maybe. But understand that the milk ducts go under the breast and around the sides near the armpits and you're more likely to get plugged ducts and mastitis with hard wire compressing those areas. My favorite nursing bra is at the link above (Bravado Bliss), and it's great for those with larger breasts. Or check out Birth and Baby where they have a bra fitting guide, as well as recommendations for the best bra for your shape/size.

13. And a nursing sleep bra

I started wearing one of these to sleep while preggo because my chest got so large that it was more comfortable to have some support. Even if you aren't on the larger side, you will probably still want a couple of these sleep bras, both to sleep in and to lounge around in. At night, in the early days, you will want something to hold nursing pads in place because you will probably experience some leaking. The Medela sleep bras in the link are the ones I like.

14. And some bra pads

I leaked for months, so these were a necessity. Nothing like being in public and having your boobs leak! And at night, on the rare nights I got 4-5 hours of sleep, there would inevitably be some leaking too. After a while your supply evens out and you just produce whatever baby is eating, so the leaking stops.

15. Have a nursing cover

You won't need it right away if you follow my advice to hunker down in your nest for a few weeks and don't go out in public, but eventually you will want to nurse away from home and these make it easy because they hook around your neck. I actually more often use an Aiden and Anais muslin swaddling blanket knotted around my neck because it's so hot here and they are really breathable.

16. Find La Leche League in your area

To me, it's really helpful to go to the meetings just to be around other breastfeeding moms! But there have been a few times when I've had questions answered at the meetings. Or felt like I've been able to give support to other moms. It's a good resource to have available.

17. Consider a breast pump

Before Avery was born I got a Pump in Style (PIS) and planned to use it. I wasn't sure whether I would go back to work, but I figured I would need one either way because if I didn't go back, I would still want to pump a bottle every once in a while. As you know from reading my previous posts, Avery never took a bottle, so although I did pump milk occasionally, it wasn't often, and I haven't pumped in months. I probably still would have gotten the pump even knowing how little I use it. I'm not even sure I would have gotten a cheaper pump because I wanted something easy to use that would last through multiple children. So, should you get a pump or what? Here's my $0.02. If you know for sure you are going to stay home with baby, and that bottles won't be more than a few times a week if that, you can probably get away with a less expensive model or even just a hand pump. You might find yourself pumping even LESS than you expect (like me) and you don't need to spend the money on something you won't use. You can always go get a better pump if you find you are pumping more than you expected or you just want a better pump. If you know you are going to be away from the baby for any length of time, and you're going to be pumping frequently, definitely spring for a PIS or similar.

Avery's Birthday Party!

2011-04-25T17:34:00.000-05:00

It was such a fun day! I can't believe it's come and gone already!

Untitled from Michelle Seiler on Vimeo.

Music is "Lo Boob Oscillator" by Stereolab

Happy Birthday Avery!

2011-04-24T20:58:00.001-05:00

Oh my. Can you believe this day is here already? I sure can't. Hard to believe it was already a year ago that we were in the hospital meeting you for the first time. Happy Birthday to the little love of my life. And Happy Easter too!

We celebrated her birthday yesterday with a small party (fairy theme!). Pics and video to follow soon.

For her birthday, Avery is learning to walk. Here's a video!

Untitled from Michelle Seiler on Vimeo.

Avery's First Year

2011-04-22T23:51:00.001-05:00

I love reliving all these memories! I've watched this at least fifty times and I get misty every time. I love this little girl! Hope you enjoy.

Music: "So Damn Lucky" by Dave Matthews

Breastfeeding, Part IV

2011-04-19T19:16:00.001-05:00

Before I wrap up this series with my final post about the stuff you can get and do to have a smoother breastfeeding experience, I want to address Megan's question about the role of the father. It's an interesting question!

First I want to point out something about natural selection. You've probably all heard Darwin's theory reduced to the maxim "survival of the fittest." Well, that is true, to some extent, but it's only part of the story. If natural selection was all about survival of the fittest, then how on earth do you explain a peacock's tail feathers?

That extravagant display of beautiful feathers certainly doesn't help him run faster. To the contrary, it probably slows him down! It definitely doesn't help him be less conspicuous to predators. How could you hide that costume?! It doesn't help him find food. In fact, at first glance, it would seem the peacock's tail feathers make him LESS fit to survive! So why would evolution select for such a seemingly maladaptive trait? Well, the answer is obvious if you look at the picture above: to attract a lovely peahen mate!

Female peacocks over the millennia selected to mate with the males that had the biggest, um... tails. They liked the guys with the prettiest display. Who knows for sure why peahen tastes lean the way they do, but we can infer they like the guy with the grandest, prettiest display because it signals his fitness. Any guy who has to carry around that huge decoration has to be strong, fast and cunning enough to evade predators, as well as healthy enough to grow the tail in the first place and keep it looking nice. Females mate with the pretty-tailed guy and his genes get into the next generation. Meanwhile, those whose tails don't measure up don't get as many chances at reproduction and their genes dwindle.

[This is less to the point, but as you can see, the female is less spectacularly adorned. That's because she doesn't need to look nice to attract a male. The males take it wherever they can get it (so to speak). Because in many species sperm is infinite and males don't have to spend time gestating, they maximize their reproduction by sowing their seed far and wide. Females on the other hand have to be choosy. They can only get pregnant by one guy at a time and then they have to invest in their unborn and even young offspring. So obviously they want only the best. The males use their tails to prove they are the best and get the females to choose them as a mate.]

So it's not really "survival of the fittest." It's more like "survival of those best able to reproduce viable offspring (who themselves are also successful breeders)." You see, natural selection is the propagation of genes into the next generation, and the next, and the next. All species have different nuances to their mating strategies; this is only one example. And of course, not all traits are selected ONLY because they make for an attractive mate... although at the end of the day, that's what much of it boils down to because you can't reproduce or have your offspring be successful at reproducing if you are starving, ill or dead!

Ok, so what about humans? If sperm is infinite and males maximize their reproductive strategy by sowing their seed as often as possible, why do humans form pair-bonds that endure for many years of reproducing, or lifetimes? First, because human females selected guys who stuck around. And secondly because human males probably figured out it was a better way to have viable offspring. Remember you not only need to reproduce, but ideally see your offspring reproduce in order to see your genes succeed. You'll also recall that due to bipedalism and our huge brains, human infants are essentially born premature - completely helpless - and require a significant investment from a caregiver in order to survive. (If only we were like cows and our babies came out and started toddling after us as we went about our business!) So mom's wrapped up in gestating and nursing for at least a few years: both very energy intensive and not at all conducive to running down dinner. She needs a mate who will bring home the bacon, as they say. So the choosy female picks a male she knows has resources to care for her and her offspring. Over many generations of selectively mating with the guys who want to share and take care, we get human male-female pair-bonds. Basically what I'm saying is that the males of our species ARE biologically inclined to be very involved with their mate and their offspring.

[Notice I didn't say we are monogamous, though. I mean, we are, to a large extent, but that is mostly a cultural construct for our species. Biologically speaking, humans are a mildly polygamous species, which actually benefits females more. Are you surprised? Well, think about it: in polygamy, two or three women can share a very fit and "wealthy" (possessing of resources like food, shelter, or able to acquire them easily) male with plenty of resources to go around; under monogamy, each person gets one mate, which insures that all the males can get a mate (good for them and also explaining why adulterous wives are historically severely punished), but that some females will get stuck with less desirable mates. In this discussion, I'm leaving aside our modern cultural persuasions like romance and commitment. This is thinking only in terms of reproductive success, i.e., getting the best sperm/resources! Remember we are talking about the 99% of human history spent as hunter-gatherers. I'm also leaving out many nuances; this is a bird's eye view.]

Human males are one of the more involved with their offspring, and they form bonds and attachments to their young, which makes sense because human infants require such a huge investment. Another species that behaves similarly to humans in this respect is canines. In the wild, male wolves will range far from the pack to find food and bring it back to their mate and offspring. They will also spend time playing with their pups. There are also a couple of primate species where the males will carry, groom and play with their young.

How does this relate to breastfeeding? As you can probably surmise, males don't have a role in that, biologically speaking. They provide food, shelter and protection to the female so she can breastfeed. No, bottle feeding is not "natural." But that doesn't mean it should never be done. I'm not going to say it's just as good to bottle feed, even if it's breastmilk. It's not. Breastmilk comes out at the right temperature (mom's body can even run hotter or colder depending on what the infant needs) and is full of a mix of enzymes and antibodies perfectly suited to the infant's immediate environment. Once breastmilk is frozen, many of the enzymes are destroyed. And month's old milk doesn't provide antibodies to the germs your baby picked up at the grocery store this morning. But that certainly doesn't mean it should never be done.

Bottle feeding is not a historically new concept. Since the advent of pastoralism (and the domestication of animals), humans have been giving their babies other species' milk. Archaeologists have discovered ancient bottles, so we know babies have been fed by artificial boobs long before our modern times.

We are genetically ancient beings living in a modern world. There are no (or very few) selective pressures operating on our genes today. It's quite easy in nearly every corner of the modern world to make it to reproductive age and have a baby. Our biology is at sometimes at odds with our environment. We expect our babies to fit into our modern lives; we don't want to change our lives to accommodate our babies. We certainly don't want to be manipulated by our babies (I say this tongue in cheek; I don't think our babies are capable of manipulating us, but it is laughable and sad that my own pediatrician told me this when Avery was only about 4 months old - that if I nurse her at night any more, she is just manipulating me into being a human pacifier).

Our modern baby gadgets - formula, bottles, swings, bouncy seats, pacifiers - are convenient for us as parents, but to the baby, they are second fiddle to nursing at the breast, being worn in a sling next to your heart, gentle motion, and sleeping with mom.

I'm not suggesting you need to be a martyr for your children. I only want to point out some aspects of human biology that might explain why your infant behaves the way she does and help guide your responses. At the end of the day, you will follow your own instincts about parenting your own baby. You still live in the modern world and there are likely going to be times when you make compromises between what is best for your baby and what is best for you. There are going to be times when you want to give your baby a bottle, whether it's because you've decided to return to work, or just because you want to go out for a while without your baby. And either way, it's ok to do that.

For me, after Avery was about six weeks old, I started pumping milk to give her bottles. I was pretty sure I wasn't going to go back to work, but I thought Adam might be able to give her a bottle occasionally at night or in the early morning so I could sleep, or maybe on a weekend so I could go shopping by myself. She drank milk from a bottle ONE TIME. That was it. We tried for months - not every day, but maybe a few times a week or every other week - and she just never wanted to drink from the bottle. Admittedly, we didn't push the issue since we hated seeing her upset or crying when I could so easily just feed her from the breast and she would be happy. Would she eventually have taken a bottle if forced? Probably. But in the end we weren't willing to put her through that. (And her reticence to drink from a bottle, plus my reticence to see her upset, WAS a factor in my decision to stay home. It wasn't the only thing, or even the most important...) After I decided not to return to work, our efforts petered out and I haven't pumped milk in probably six months. The same went with the pacifier. She never wanted it, and we never forced the issue because we were heartbroken to see her cry so pitifully when I could just nurse her (as nature intended) and pacify her. If Avery would have taken a bottle, I would have happily let Adam feed her sometimes. If she had taken a pacifier, I would have probably used it at times - like at night or in the car. (Now I don't mind that she doesn't take a pacifier because I don't have to wean her off it.)

Now I need to wrap this up because my little cave-ling is upset that I'm typing instead of paying attention to her!

Thoughts? Comments? Let me hear them!!

Wish y'all could come!

2011-04-18T01:16:00.000-05:00

Avery's birthday is really on the 24th but since it's Easter we're having her party on Saturday!

Breastfeeding, Part IV

2011-04-11T15:48:00.000-05:00

You've probably heard that babies are takers! As newborns they take from you SIGNIFICANTLY more than they give back. As they grow up, babies and kids start to give back, and parenting becomes more rewarding in and of itself. When your baby stops nursing to smile up at you, or crawls into your lap just to give you a hug: that's the payoff. It builds you up to want to give more back to your little one.

You can't stop your baby from being needy. Nor can you expect to be a perfect parent and have endless wells of patience. There will be times with your baby, and periodically throughout your child's life, when your cup is constantly being emptied by parenting and nurturing and you feel overwhelmed by their intense needs. The best thing you can do during those times is to make sure your cup is getting filled up in other ways so you can continue to have more to give. Here are some ways to do that.

1. Take care of yourself. I mean, this one is obvious, but you need to be reminded. As they say on the airplane, if you are traveling with a baby or a child, put your own oxygen mask on FIRST, before assisting the other person. You absolutely cannot take care of others unless you take care of yourself. So, fill your cup by eating plenty of nutritious food, staying hydrated, sleeping when the baby sleeps, getting fresh air and sunshine, etc. And prevent your cup from being emptied by unnecessary responsibilities: jettison anything that drains you but doesn't HAVE to be done (now or by you) like housework or errands or too much exercise. And this leads right into the next point...

2. GET HELP. If you can get your mom or sister or aunt or that nice lady in the grocery store or seriously anyone helpful to come and stay with you for a few weeks or longer after the baby is born, DO IT. If friends or neighbors offer to help, take them up on it. If you need to pay someone to come clean your house for you to feel sane, it's worth it. Outsource absolutely everything you can aside from caring for the baby. Let other people take care of YOU so that your energy is freed up for caring for the baby. If someone can come stay with you, let them cook and bring you food and snacks and water to your nursing station. Let them do the laundry and the dishes. And don't feel guilty about it!

3. Get what YOU need. What one thing that you're not doing or getting would make your life immeasurably better? Figure it out and make sure you do or get it. Find a way. Negotiate with the other adult caregivers in your baby's life to make it happen, whether it's more sleep or time alone, or time to work out. A little can go a long way. Even an hour at the gym, or coffee shop with your book can fill your cup enough to get through a few more days.

4. Change your Mommy Mantras. Recognize that you are creating your experience with your thoughts. At 3 am when you're awoken from a deep sleep by a jarring cry, and you find yourself pacing the dark halls of your house, humming and patting, you probably automatically start thinking, "This sucks. I hate this. I am so tired. I don't want to do this. I can't do this another night!" You might find yourself resenting your partner, who didn't even stir when the baby cried: "It's unfair that he's still sleeping and I'm going to let him have it in the morning!" You might even start preparing your speech about all the things that are overwhelming you. None of these thoughts are helpful! And you DO have the power to turn them off. If you find yourself repeating these negative things over and over in your head, stop. Find something positive to replace them. Like sometimes I like to sing You Are My Sunshine because it makes me feel more loving towards the baby - "you'll never know, dear, how much I love you!"

5. Think of your future self. This is another great way to stop yourself from repeating negative mommy mantras over and over, but it deserves its own point. Imagine yourself 5 or 10 years from now, looking back at your cherished baby's infancy. You're gonna miss this. You're going to look back and think fondly of the sweet snuggles and the way your baby felt sleeping in your arms in the small hours of the night when it's just you and her in the quiet house. Also, you most likely won't remember much of the frustrations or struggles - or at least they won't seem so significant.

6. Don't pay so much attention. If you are keeping track, you're going to get frustrated. I can all but guarantee it! For example, don't count the number of times you're nursing or for how long, especially at night! It doesn't matter. Don't watch the clock. In fact, if you have a clock near your bed or nursing station, get rid of it! When you're keeping time and counting, you'll start to get overwhelmed and think negative thoughts. So just don't pay attention. I have barely a clue how many times I'm nursing these days because I really don't pay attention and I'm definitely more relaxed than when I was looking at the clock and thinking "she JUST nursed for 45 minutes and now she wants to nurse AGAIN and it's the FIFTH time today and it's only NOON!".

7. This too shall pass. I said it in the last post, but I'm repeating it here. If you don't like something about how your baby is behaving, just wait a couple weeks and it will change! This is really true during the first year! If your baby is fussing all the time, in a couple weeks she will probably be different. Yes you will invest a LOT in the beginning, but we're talking a few years of intense parenting: such a short season of your life.

You're not going to love every minute of breastfeeding (or parenting). These are some things I use to get through those rough moments.

What do YOU do in those moments when you are feeling overwhelmed?

At Kailua Beach yesterday

2011-04-10T15:44:00.000-05:00

Avery likes the beach!

Breastfeeding, Part III

2011-04-09T16:31:00.004-05:00

One of the most challenging aspects of parenting - for me anyway - is how relentless it is. You don't get a break from being a parent. Ever! Whether you are tired or sick or in a bad mood or whatever. The baby is still there and still has needs. And that's especially true about breastfeeding. If you choose to exclusively breastfeed, you're IT! Forever and ever, amen. Well, at least until you wean. If you follow the advice of most lactation specialists to not give any artificial nipples to your baby for at least six weeks (to establish a good milk supply), then you're really, really IT.

Before Avery's birth I felt pretty confident about breastfeeding. I expected it to come naturally and go smoothly. Maybe that's why it seemed so challenging to me in the beginning. Don't get me wrong. Breastfeeding is wonderful. Really, it has been one of the best experiences of my life by far. Knowing that I'm able to nurture and feed my baby is empowering. I have so enjoyed the bonding, the cuddling and the closeness. Plus it's so convenient. You don't have to mess with bottles or powders or how many ounces. You can go anywhere and your baby's food is always ready to go, no extra fuss. In the middle of the night when you're tired, you can just plug the baby in; you don't have to fiddle with measuring and mixing or heating. And it's a powerful parenting tool that I've been glad to have on many occasions. It's a fast way to soothe, calm, or reassure your baby when stressful things happen, to say nothing of its usefulness in inducing sleep!

All told, my experience HAS gone smoothly. I haven't had any major problems (supply issues, health issues like mastitis or thrush, baby problems like tongue tie) - we've been pretty lucky to have an overall great experience. But it does have its ups and downs.

In the beginning, it hurts! I'm sure you will read or be told that if the baby is latched correctly you will feel no pain and I say anyone who says that is a lying liar. Don't believe them! They will only make you second guess yourself and feel like you're doing something wrong! If someone suddenly started sucking on ANY part of you for so long, it would generate some pain in the beginning. You want to smoosh your boob like a sandwich and get the baby to take in a good amount of breast tissue beyond just the nipple, but when they are first born, their mouths are actually really tiny and they have zero head control, so getting them positioned and latched correctly is hard.

For me, the first couple months were a jumble of pain and working on latch technique and struggling to find and keep a comfortable position. It's already becoming kind of blurry, but I think things started to get better (easier and less painful) after about 6 weeks and then by 3 months I felt pretty confident and comfortable. The first time the baby latched on was kind of toe curling. Yikes! After a minute or two of sucking it got better, but I was feeling pretty sore for at least a month. At first the oil-producing glands around your nipples aren't working fast enough so the skin gets pretty dried out. I had dry, cracking skin that stuck to my shirt (adding insult to injury!) and then of course, it's getting sucked on constantly too. I resorted to slathering on Lansinoh and covering it with saran wrap because I couldn't find nipple shields locally (more on those later!), and that helped. Taking a shower was murder, I couldn't stand the water falling on my boobs! I did get engorged, but not horribly or painfully so. If I was feeling full, I just nursed. I never had such severe engorgement that getting latched was a problem. And I found positioning the baby to be difficult. Maybe it's because I have large breasts (34 G ... as in GIANT; I used to be a 34 C!), but I definitely needed my nursing pillow and the right hold to get a comfortable latch. I used that pillow for seven months! I didn't NEED it that long, but it was more comfortable. It took me a long time to be comfortable nursing away from home without my pillow!

Not to mention, like I said, I didn't want to give Avery a pacifier or a bottle for the first six weeks, so nursing seemed endless and sometimes overwhelmingly so in the beginning. If it was 3 am or the baby had just finished nursing for an hour and she wanted to nurse again, it was all on me. I probably spent 8-10 hours a day nursing in the first couple of months! And maybe MORE during those growth-spurt times when she needed to bump up my supply. Of course, I've said before that I have a sensitive baby who liked to nurse a LOT and wanted to be held ALL THE TIME and had a high sucking need. Non-nutritive suckling is important for babies and nature's original pacifier was the boob! I figured my baby had good reasons for her needs (you read about them in Part I and Part II), but knowing that didn't necessarily make it easier to cope with in the beginning. Plus, Avery never did take a pacifier or a bottle, despite our attempts. Looking back, it hasn't been that big of a deal, but during the newborn phase it seemed sometimes like I was DOOMED to life as a milk cow! I worked until the day I went into labor, so I literally went from being a busy career girl, involved in the world, working out, reading, doing what I felt like when I felt like it, to suddenly being subsumed by this tiny, helpless creature. It's a lot to deal with!

Anyway, all of that got better. Way, way better. The baby gets bigger and more coordinated and eventually can just latch herself. The pain goes away for the most part. The engorgement and leaking stop. At some point she stopped needing to nurse for marathon sessions and now she mostly only nurses for 5-10 minutes unless she's trying to go to sleep. In my next post, I will talk about some things I've learned to help cope with your baby's intense needs. I'll leave you with just a short piece of advice, though... set your expectations, or rather, DON'T set your expectations! Be prepared to go with the flow is what I'm trying to say. It's a true re-shaping of character in some ways. If you can give yourself over, you will find peace. Yes, it's very zen. And remember that although you are putting yourself and your desires on hold, it really is such a short season of your life. This too shall pass. I still have to remind myself of that often, but it is certainly true.

New trick

2011-04-09T15:44:00.001-05:00

Avery learned a new trick. I think I told you she stood up on her own a few times at the beach last week. Well a couple days ago while skyping with Yaya I mentioned that I'm surprised Avery isn't any closer to walking, when all of a sudden she just stood up on her own. We cheered and clapped and she was so proud of herself! She opened her mouth wide and flapped her hands so much she lost her balance. Then she wanted to do it over and over again while her adoring fans cheered her on. She's been practicing whenever she gets the chance. I have yet to get a picture of it but hopefully I can catch one this weekend.

ETA: I got one! It's kind of blurry, but there ya go.

Also, baths are more fun with a buddy!

Breastfeeding, Part II

2011-04-06T19:10:00.000-05:00

In Part I we were talking about how our biology as human animals influences breastfeeding. Understanding the evolution of our species helps to make sense of why your baby behaves as he does and hopefully will guide your responses to be more in harmony with his needs (and therefore have a happier baby!).

It's estimated that we humans became a separate species about 1.5 million years ago. The advent of agriculture, and hence, civilization, occurred only about 10,000 years ago. Our species has spent 99% of its existence in a hunter-gatherer type lifestyle. That means that for most of human history, babies fed only on their mothers' milk. Supplementation by other species' milk probably occurred once animals were domesticated, but pastoral living did not pre-date agricultural by very much. We can infer from the studied behavior of hunter-gatherer groups still around in the last couple centuries that their infants were with their mothers constantly - carried during the day and sleeping together at night - and fed on-demand around the clock. Indeed, babies who demanded this high level of attention were more likely to survive and not be carried off by a lion!

In addition, the natural age of weaning for a human infant is probably much later than is practiced in western culture - probably between 2.5 and 7 years! Research on cultural groups around the world, age of weaning in other primates, and human skeletal remains supports this. Only in the west are babies weaned before one year of age, and most nurse for several years still today. The drive to suckle continues throughout the first several years, as anyone who has seen a three year old with a pacifier stuck in his mouth can attest. Human infants evolved with breastmilk as their primary or sole food until about two years of age, and then gradually weaned over a period of several years. (This research is well documented and a few minutes of googling will unearth numerous sources.) There are many reasons why human infants would have evolved this feeding pattern including inconsistent availability of foods during the millions of years we spent as hunter-gatherers, protection from predation, nutritional efficiency, and bonding in a social species.

From a nutritional standpoint, you should breastfeed as long as you can and are comfortable doing so. The WHO recommends breastfeeding for two years or more. Studies show many benefits of breastmilk for babies, and the longer babies are breastfed, the more they benefit.

The mechanics of the breast and lactation also indicate feeding on demand is appropriate. The more the baby suckles and empties the breast, the more milk is produced. It's a supply and demand operation. Nursing as often and as long as your baby wants, especially in the first few months, ensures you have an adequate supply of milk. When baby goes through growth spurts, he may nurse even more, bumping up your supply and making you hungry, thirsty and tired.

The first milk that comes out of the breast at each feeding is called foremilk. This is milk left over from the last feeding. As the milk sits in the breast between feedings, fat is reabsorbed into your body, so foremilk is lower in fat content. It's more hydrating for the baby, but less satiating. The fattier hindmilk that comes out after baby has been suckling a while makes him feel full and satisfied. The more frequently you nurse, the more fatty milk your baby gets because the fat hasn't reabsorbed yet. Babies who are put on a schedule and only allowed to nurse every few hours may get a bigger volume of liquid at once, but it won't be as filling. Sometimes if baby is crying after a nursing session, mom may assume she doesn't have enough milk when in reality, baby is not getting sufficient fat content to stay full.

We're going through a bit of a difficult phase around here at the moment. I think my little cherub is about to pop out her first tooth! As a result she has reverted to only napping in 15 mintue intervals and waking about 20 times every night. At any rate, she is demanding my attention right now and trying to "help" mommy type, so I'm going to wrap up Part II and come back to talk about my own breastfeeding experience next time!

Breastfeeding, Part I

2011-04-03T17:42:00.001-05:00

I spent lots of time (while walking the baby around trying to get her to sleep!) thinking about what I want to say about breastfeeding: the tone I want to take and how I want to say it. This is not a simple topic to address and I'm not sure which angle to approach it from. I realize I'm potentially walking into a field of contentious landmines. I know from hanging out on baby-related internet forums and even from talking to friends and acquaintances in real life that breastfeeding can be a touchy subject. It seems everyone is defensive about their choices and situation.

Those who choose to formula feed from day one feel judged by the "holier-than-thou" breastfeeders who proclaim that "breast is best" and one is not doing the best for her baby by not breastfeeding. Exclusive breastfeeders also feel judged and pressured, being told the baby is getting too big to breastfeed, or that they probably don't or won't make enough milk so they might as well supplement with formula.   In the middle is a whole spectrum of people who do some combination of breastfeeding, pumping and/or formula for hundreds of different reasons.

So I'm going to risk wading into the muck and write honestly, but from my own bias, which I feel I must disclose to you so we're all on the same page. I'm sure you probably noticed that I fall squarely and unequivocally in the so-called "attachment parenting" camp. I didn't really set out to be this way. I definitely didn't read how to do it in some book. I have simply followed my instincts about what is best for my baby, and I can't help but notice whenever I read something about attachment parenting that it more or less describes my parenting philosophy and the choices I've made. I co-sleep, babywear, and breastfeed on demand because those are things my baby is telling me she needs.

But like I said, I didn't set out to be an "attachment parent". Before Avery's birth, I had some ideas about what life with a baby would be like, most of which were more or less wrong, and many of which were more mainstream parenting ideas. They weren't wrong because they were bad ideas, but because they didn't really take into consideration that the BABY gets a say in it too. What I somehow failed to fully realize is that the baby will come out with her own unique personality, desires, likes and dislikes that will be evident from day one. You are able to mold the baby to behave how you want to some extent, and some babies are "easier" than others in the sense that they just go with the flow without putting up too much fuss. You can stash them in a swing or bouncy seat for a while, or put them on a schedule, and they're cool with that. Other babies, as I discovered, are more sensitive and have more personal requirements for things to be just so. My ideas about where the baby would sleep or nap or how much she would nurse didn't matter to her.

What you do to or with the baby in the first weeks (I believe) has little effect on their inborn temperament. But being able to recognize and lovingly accept your baby's needs - however different they may be from your own expectations or desires - CAN affect the type of experience you have. My own particular baby was (is) extremely sensitive and needed to be protected from too much stimulation. She needed to be held and nursed constantly in the first few months. I was admittedly unprepared for this intense level of need. Whatever I thought parenting a baby would be like, however I prepared during my pregnancy, nothing prepared me for the reality of having a baby.

I'm sure you've all heard that human babies are all essentially born "premature" because if they grew any more in utero their heads wouldn't fit through a woman's pelvis. When we got big brains and started walking upright, this compromise had to be made. Compared to other mammals we humans are born the least neurologically and physically developed and the most dependent on an adult. If human babies were born at the same level of maturity as our nearest primate relatives, they would be born at 18 months!   So you are essentially parenting a fetus for the first year plus of your baby's life.

I want to talk some more about this science-y anthro- bio-logical stuff because it interests me and I think it's important to the breastfeeding discussion. As hard as it is to remember as we sit in our air conditioned homes typing away on our computers, taking showers and buying our food at the grocery store, we are animals. Mammals, to be more precise.

One of the defining characteristics of mammals is that we have mammary glands and lactate to feed our young. At one end of the spectrum are "cache" mammals and at the other are "carry" mammals. Cache mammals leave their young in protected nests for long periods of time while they go out in search of food. Their milk is very fatty and satiating to keep the babies full and happy for the many hours while mom is gone. Some examples are deer and rabbits. Carry mammals have very watery milk that is higher in carbohydrate and lower in fat and protein. This milk is digested quickly and the infants need to nurse frequently or in some cases continuously! Marsupials crawl inside mom's pouch and stay latched on until they are more mature. Because of this, carry mammals carry their young around, they don't leave them in nests.

You are a "carry" mammal, like other primates. Your milk has the lowest fat and protein content of all mammalian milk, and your baby is born very immature. Knowing this will help you understand why your baby needs to be with you from birth, needs to be held all the time and why she wants to nurse constantly around the clock in the early weeks.   Perhaps you will still struggle, as I did, with your baby's intense needs at first. Yet again, I come back to our modern life paradigms being unsuited to our species. Here we are giving birth in institutions, being separated from our babies, and then heading back to our homes alone to cope with the demands of a newborn baby. All this after growing up with plenty of personal space and a lifestyle that enabled you to do whatever you want whenever you want. No wonder many first time mothers find themselves reeling.

Now I am no luddite or dirty-hippy, thinking we should all just retreat to tents in the woods. I enjoy all the conveniences and sanitation of modern life and don't think they should be disposed of. HOWEVER. I do believe that modern life has had many negative impacts on our health and well-being as human animals. We no longer eat, live, interact, or raise our young in ways that are biologically best suited to us as a species and I believe it's had a hugely detrimental effect on our physical, mental and spiritual health.

Because we no longer live in small clan or family groups, we have lost the support system for childrearing. We don't have our extended network of mothers, aunts, sisters and friends to help new mothers out, or pass along knowledge.   A lactation consultant told me a story about a gorilla in the zoo who didn't know to put her baby to her breast. The zookeepers were worried, but one of them thought to call La Leche League. LLL sent some mamas to sit around the primate enclosure nursing their babies. After seeing them, the gorilla started nursing her baby too! Breastfeeding is natural, but it's not innate. It's something we learn how to do. Most of us in our modern existence have never even seen someone nursing a baby before. Luckily there are many things you can do to have a successful and enjoyable breastfeeding experience, which I will talk about in a bit.

In the next post I'll talk about my own breastfeeding experience, but for now I'll get off my soap box because a certain baby is awake and demanding my attention!

Hanging out at Ko Olina

2011-04-01T16:35:00.000-05:00

Avery and I met a friend and her baby at Ko Olina yesterday to hang out by the beach and take a nice walk. Avery loved being outside in the grass, although she wanted nothing to do with crawling through it. Even though the grass there is really soft and nice, she wouldn't put her knees down and insisted on bear crawling all over the place. It was really funny. She also surprised me by standing up on her own a few times. I've never seen her do that at home! Unfortunately I didn't get a picture or video of that, but here she is doing the bear crawling.

Untitled from Michelle Seiler on Vimeo.

Darling

2011-03-27T14:14:00.001-05:00

ELEVEN months of Avery!

2011-03-26T00:11:00.002-05:00

Life with Avery just keeps getting better and better. Every month she is more fun and delightful than the last. I am enjoying watching her grow so much! She has so much personality - more every day it seems. Only one more month till the Little Elf is one year old! Stop stop STOP! You can't grow up any more, baby. You have to stay my sweet little doodlebug!

This month the biggest new development has been communication. Avery is figuring out the beginnings of how to tell us what she thinks and wants. She started pointing and now she knows that she can point at something she wants and we'll get it for her. She can point at something and we'll tell her what it is. She even points just to show us stuff and if you're not paying attention she will grab your face and turn it towards her! She points all day long. She especially loves when we go for our walk, and she can point out all the birds and dogs. She is learning some words too - not talking, but she definitely understands a handful of words (probably more than we realize). She will point to my nose or mouth, to her toys, to her sippy cup, and she can find the tiger on her activity cube. She knows that bye-bye means someone is leaving and how to wave hi and bye. She says "hi" all the time! It doesn't always sound exactly like hi but that's definitely what she is trying to say. She knows that I'm "Mom-mom" and Adam is "Da-da" and my mom is "Yaya".

She is proving that she truly is my daughter through her growing love of books. Before she didn't seem interested in books other than to teeth on, but suddenly the light bulb went off and she realized they were full of pictures and adventure and colors! Now she goes straight over to her toys and starts pulling the books off the shelf and turning the pages. Her favorite book is a Little Golden Book called Baby Animals that has pictures of different baby animals on each page. She loves to make a growling noise when she sees the baby lion, and to give kisses to the baby monkey and the baby giraffe. She gets really excited about this book!

Avery has become a more adventurous eater in the last month too. She rejected pretty much every puree I served her, both home made and store bought. But she likes to eat off my plate and will try nearly anything I'm eating. She even surprised me by liking chili and curry! She really likes eggs. You're not supposed to feed babies egg whites before one year since they can be a potential allergen, but a couple weeks ago she threw a fit at breakfast when I wouldn't give her any off my plate. She was pointing at my plate and fussing until I gave her a bite and then she ate a whole bunch! I fix her an egg every morning now and she'll eat about half of it, plus a couple bites of avocado and banana. For lunch and dinner she eats whatever I'm eating - usually some chicken, fish or beef, avocado, sweet potato, or soup. It's still kind of hit or miss whether she will be in the mood for food, but it's vastly improved from a month ago!

She gets more mobile all the time and she is into EVERYTHING! Here she is peeking into the trash can. If I open the refrigerator or the pantry she is right there, opening the drawers, trying to pull Dada's beer off the shelf and checking everything out. She practices walking by cruising around on all the furniture and using the chairs and stools as walkers by pushing them around. By the end of the day all our furniture is rearranged and there are toys exploding everywhere!

Her napping is still pretty irregular but it's better now than a month ago. She will occasionally - like once or twice a week - go for an hour or more! That's amazing for my 30 minute catnapper. It's still a challenge to get her down for her nap. She only falls asleep nursing about half the time now and if I want her to nap I have to walk around with her and hum and bounce her until she's fast asleep. I have heard of babies who you can just put them in their cribs and they lay down and take a nap... and I ask, HOW? Avery has never once just ... fallen asleep. You know you see pictures of babies asleep in their high chairs or in their exersaucers? Not Avery. Not once. I was so glad when she went from 4 naps down to three, and was glad again when she recently dropped down to just two. Now I only have to get her to sleep twice a day!

Night time sleep is about the same. It often takes me close to an hour to get her down and she almost never falls asleep nursing anymore (much to my chagrin, it's so much easier), I have to walk her around and hum and bounce while she "sings" to herself. If I put her in her crib before she's totally asleep she immediately starts crying like she's heartbroken. Once I finally get her in her crib I have about an hour before she wakes up and needs to be resettled again. Every so often lately she has gone for several hours in her crib either before waking or after I resettle her, but that is definitely the exception and not the rule! If I send Adam up to get her, she will cry "Mammmmaaa, maaaamaaa, maaaaahm" until I come up and then she'll put her little arms around my neck like she thought I was gone forever. Depending on my patience level, I will either go up and walk her down again or sometimes just get in bed with her at her first wake up and she stays with me the rest of the night. I'm still nursing frequently enough at night that it's just easier to have her right next to me. Most nights I am feeling pretty rested doing this, and even enjoying snuggling with her. We do have occasional rough nights (like last night - she woke me every hour and then was awake from 3-5 am). I will be glad when she can put herself to sleep... or go off to college and I don't have to worry about it anymore, whichever comes first!

There are so many things I want to remember. I know I will wish I had written more when I look back at this time. I am already forgetting details about her early infancy that, at the time, seemed like they would be seared in my brain forever. Mainly I want to remember the sensation of her. I want to bottle up her babyness and keep it - how she smells, how she feels, her soft skin, her delicate hands, the way her lips make an upside down heart shape when she falls asleep, the sound of her laughter and her adorable babbling, what it feels like to hold her and have her curled up next to me sleeping, how she gives kisses and wraps her little arms around my neck, the way I feel like my heart is exploding when she looks up at me while she's nursing or pops off to grin and say, "a-da!" which of course I think is the most brilliant and original proclamation ever.

I love the look on her face in this picture. Priceless! I love this little girl so much!

Cloth Diapering (Again) - Fuzzi Bunz vs. Bum Genius Edition

2011-03-20T16:01:00.000-05:00

Ok, so now that I've started talking about cloth diapering I'll probably NEVER STOP! No, just kidding, I will. I can totally quit any time. Hahahaaaa.

Oh, by the way, Megan you read my mind (get out of my head!)... I was actually planning on writing the "breastfeeding 101" post next! But I'm stuck in a cloth diapering do-loop for the moment so you'll have to bear with me cause I want to tell you guys a few more things.

So as I'm sure you've noticed, there are a dizzying array of types of cloth diapers out there. There are flats and prefolds and fitteds and all-in-ones and pockets and covers and wool and hemp and fasteners and oh my god make it stop make it stop. I'm not going to waste time going into a description of each because you can find that somewhere else, like here or here or here and seriously the entire internet has already written about it already, and to be honest I don't even know what all of it is and frankly I don't care.

See, I knew if cloth diapering was too involved or complicated I would give up. I needed something simple and straightforward. Raising a baby is complicated enough. I don't need my diaper system to be fraught with stress and worry. That's just me though. Maybe you can make better sense of it or you're just more interested in it than I am and you'll go get yourself some flats and snappis and shorties and wool covers and when you figure out what those are and how to wash them let me know, kay?

PLUS! And this was a big one... I knew I needed something simple for the Other Diaperers who would be diapering Avery (mainly Adam and my mother). Everyone who heard I was planning to use cloth diapers kind of chuckled and patted me on the head like ok dear we'll see! Adam was on board with the idea in theory because he liked saving thousands of dollars. But I knew if it was too complicated no one else would want to learn how to use them or wash them.

Anyway, so after reading a couple summaries of the different types of diapers I knew I wanted to use a pocket diaper because they seemed the easiest and most straightforward to me. I thought about an all-in-one (AIO), but since they take a long time to dry I figured that was not such a great idea living in a humid place. It didn't take me long to decide, really. Here's what happened: the first articles I read about cloth diapering talked about FB's and BG's and when I started to research diaper systems I got totally overwhelmed and decided I would just do what the blogger I liked did cause if she liked them then I probably would.

If you find it harder to make a commitment than me, you can always get one of a few different kinds and try them out. Cotton Babies offers a sample pack for $100 and free shipping! Then you can decide which ones you like best a buy more of them.

So let's assume you're like me and you want to go with one of the two most popular brands, Fuzzi Bunz and Bum Genius. Which one should you buy? The difference between the two is minimal and people seem to like them equally well. Some people like one or the other better, but it seems it's split pretty evenly. Like I said the Bum Genius 4.0's with the snaps are my favorites. Don't waste your time with the velcro, it doesn't hold up very well and it's not like it's so hard to do the snaps. My BG's with snaps look like new still and the one I have with velcro looks worn already.

I like the FB's too. I even liked them slightly better in the beginning! But as time has gone on the BG's are the front runner. I'll show you why as I walk you through these pictures.

Fuzzi Bunz one size dipe on the left in sage green. Bum Genius 4.0 one size dipe in cotton candy on the right. As you can see the look really similar. And they are. They are made of different materials, but the look and feel is nearly identical.

First the FB's. These adjust in two ways - adjustable elastic changes the fit on the legs and snaps change the fit on the waist. Obviously Avery is over 20 lbs now so this is on a larger setting.

Here's the inside, it's made of fleece like the inside of a sweatshirt. It's really soft! You will love putting your baby in this fabric. I was worried it might be too hot in Hawaii, but it's been totally fine. And you can see there's no staining yet either. You can also see the back on the left is just an open pocket where you stuff the insert.

Here's a closer up of the fabric and the elastic. I want to show you this because it's the main reason I don't like these as much as the BG's.

The elastics have holes along them to button on each end front and back. They come with an extra set of elastics so when they wear out you'll have a replacement (and you can buy more for cheap). [Maybe I will prefer this in the long run because the elastics in the BG's are sewn in and while they can be replaced, you would have to sew in a new one with a couple stitches. I don't know, I have been using mine almost a year and they don't show any signs of wearing out yet so for now they're still my fave's.] Is it really so much of a pain to change the elastics on the FB's? No. You do it once and don't have to worry about it again for a few months. But you still have to do it. On all your diapers. Four buttons on each dipe.

AND? The ends of the elastics always come out of their little holes in the wash and you have to put them back in. See? Is it a huge deal? No. But it's the reason the BG's are slightly better for me.

You could just leave them out I guess, but I like them tucked in so there ya go.

Moving on! Here's the outside of the dipe. You can see the back is elasticized - the reason why you'll never have poop blowouts with these diapers. Anyone who uses 'sposies can tell you the poop goes right up the back (and out the legs). And you can see there are three buttons on each tab - two for the waist and one lower down that gives the leg a tighter fit. If you end up with a skinny legged babe, you might prefer this.

Here's the pocket where you stuff the insert. The FB's are slightly narrower and therefore a bit tougher to stuff. That's the other reason I like the BG's slightly better. Again, it's not a huge deal, but your hand kind of gets stuck both in the narrow part and on the material because it's more plastic-y and sticky on the inside, if that makes sense.

Here's the insert. It comes with a doubler too, but I've mostly just used one insert.

Now for the BG's. The outer material is a bit softer on these than the FB's and it's not as sticky on the inside so your hand slides in easier during stuffing. Like I said the elastics are sewn in to these so they adjust with a series of buttons to make them smaller (the six lower snaps) and have only two snaps at the waist. Avery is already wearing them on the biggest setting (all unsnapped), but she still has plenty of room to grow in them.

See, you just snap these together to make them wee. There are only three snap settings - wee, medium, and bigger (unsnapped). I hope I'm making sense, it's really not that complicated.

The inside is made of micro-suede. It's really similar to the FB's fleece, but feels more like a lightweight felt almost. It's soft too. You can also see that the back has a flap over the pocket. That helps keep the poopsplosions in better. I've never had a blowout with the FB's either though, even without the flap.

Looking inside the pocket.

Here's the insert. It's bigger and wider than the FB's. The FB's fit a bit better when she was littler but now I get a better fit with the BG's.

As you can see the inserts on the BG's adjust too with snaps. They also come with a newborn sized insert that I never tried because I didn't buy these until she was three months or so. You can also use the newborn insert as a doubler (i.e., put it in with the regular insert too) if you need more absorbancy. I think as they get older they pee in greater quantity so these might come in use later but I just use one insert now and it's fine. We sometimes have some pee leaking (on both BG's and FB's) if I wait too long between changes, but it's minimal and rarely even requires a wardrobe change.

So that's the run-down, y'all.

P.S. I forgot to mention on the last post, you should never use diaper rash creams with your cloth dipes! The oils will get in the fabric and ruin your dipes.

P.P.S. I use cloth when we're out too. They take up more room in the diaper bag. You need to remember to bring a bag with you to put the dirty diaper in! I forget sometimes and it's not a big deal, but you don't want to keep smelling a diaper. You can get a wet/dry bag or something similar for dirty dipes when you are out.

Cloth Diapering 101

2011-03-18T18:59:00.001-05:00

Night before last I started feeling queasy after dinner and ended up spending the night with my head in the toilet. I was pretty queasy all day yesterday, plus tired and achey from dehydration and mineral loss, and wasn't able to eat anything, but thankfully kept water down. Today I'm feeling better and I've eaten two meals with just a bit of a lingering unsettled feeling. This is the second time this has happened in the last six months! I don't know if it's a virus or food poisoning or what. No one else got sick and I didn't eat anything no one else ate. Ugh.

But that's not what I really want to talk about today. I want to talk about cloth diapering! Yay! Wait, don't go! I'm here to tell you cloth diapering is fun and easy. And believe me, I am not an committed environmentalist or even a fanatical cloth diaperer. I'm pretty lazy, all things considered. But I read a few articles about it when I was pregnant and the more I read the more the idea appealed to me and seemed like something I could maybe get on board with.

So I registered for some Fuzzi Bunz one size diapers as baby shower gifts and some of Adam's family were generous enough to give us a 12 pack. And a few other people bought us one or two, so that before Avery was born I had 16 - fifteen FB's and 1 Bum Genius 3.0 with the velcro because I wanted to try it even though I had read that some people don't really like the velcro.

I wasn't sure I was going to like cloth diapering, but I wanted to give it a try. The biggest two reasons were:

1. The cost saving. I figured our cloth diaper investment would pay for itself within seven months, even including the additional CD paraphernalia I bought. So in diapering Avery for an estimated two years, plus any hypothetical future children, we could potentially be saving thousands of dollars.

2. The benefits to baby. I love the idea of putting soft cloth next to baby's delicate skin. After I gave birth and had to (TMI warning!) wear a pad for 6+ weeks, I was even more sure I preferred putting my baby in fluff instead of a scratchy paper and plastic diaper. It was so uncomfortable! No wonder diaper rash is so common.

The fact that it's also better for the environment was a side benefit, but truthfully not my main concern. I also planned with a healthy dose of realism, knowing that I might be completely overwhelmed by motherhood and would lose interest in cloth diapering once I saw how much work baby care really was. I figured I would try it out and if I didn't like it, I would quit and wouldn't feel bad about it. FB's and BG's have really good resale value on websites like diaperswappers.com, so the risk seemed minimal.

So then Avery was born and she was in preemie diapers to begin with. So tiny! The couple newborn sized outfits I had were absolutely swimming on her. So there was no chance of putting her in the FB's despite their claim they fit from 7-35 lbs. They don't. If you're planning to cloth diaper, you need a backup plan for the newborn stage, unless you give birth to a 10 lb'er or something. And I was right - I did have enough to deal with in the early days that I wasn't interested in cloth diapering right off the bat. We used Huggies natural brand for the first 8-10 weeks before I started gradually putting her in cloth. Newborns poop a LOT in the beginning - or at least mine did - on the order of 8 or 10 times a day! It was just easier for me to use disposables. If I have another baby I will consider doing some flats and covers (like old school CD's) in the beginning, but all things considered would be fine doing the same thing again and using disposables for the first couple months.

Getting her in cloth full time was a gradual process. I started out thinking I would just do one or two diapers a day, but honestly once you have diaper laundry you might as well have a full load. So I would go through all the diapers I had (16 - about a day and a half worth) and then do laundry and put her back in 'sposies until everything was dry and ready to go again. I decided I liked it well enough and the extra laundry wasn't a big deal and didn't make me feel overwhelmed so I ordered some more diapers. I wanted to try BG 4.0's with the snaps so I got a six pack. They turned out to be my favorite diapers. I like the FB's fine, but the BG's are better - they are easier to stuff and you don't have to mess with the elastics (FB's have adjustable elastics).

I have 21 diapers and they're enough to get me through a couple of days. I do diaper laundry every other day or sometimes every third day depending on how many changes we have. I could have more diapers, but it wouldn't make anything much easier since you still have to wash them every couple days to avoid your pail stinking to high heaven. Unless you put your pail somewhere you don't have to smell it, but I like mine right next to the changing table cause I don't want to carry a diaper somewhere after changing.

Oh, and I still use a disposable overnight. Somewhere around three months I decided I was not going to change pee diapers at night, and Avery was going most nights without pooping. Something about their sleep regulates around that time and sleep hormones keep their bowels from moving during the night. So I slather a load of Boudreaux's All Natural Butt Paste on her and peace out till morning. We haven't had any diaper rashes doing this. I did try her in one of my dipes with two inserts overnight and she got a bit rashy after a couple days of that, though no leaking. There are super-absorbent inserts and protective liners you can get (like hemp and silk and I don't know what else) but I am lazy and this is working for us so I haven't changed it yet.

So how do you wash the suckers and what else do you need for smooth sailing? I'll talk about extra CD'ing paraphernalia first.

1. Diaper pail. I have a Diaper Genie for my disposable diapers, and for my CD's I have a regular old Rubbermaid kitchen trash can with a step-open mechanism lid like this one. I tried a couple of fancier pails but this one fit the bill best. It does start to stink after a couple days, but it's time to do laundry when I smell it. The rest of the time I only smell it when I open the lid to put the diaper in.

2. Diaper pail liners. I have two of these Planet Wise diaper pail liners. There is no point not using a reusable pail liner if you are CD'ing because you are doing laundry anyway so you can just put the pail liner in the wash with the diapers. One is not enough cause you need a liner for when the other one is in the wash.

3. Cloth wipes. Similar to the pail liner, it just makes sense to use cloth wipes with your cloth dipes. Then you can just toss them in the pail with the diapers and wash it all together. You don't have to worry about what to do with the paper wipes after they are dirty - another can? - it's actually LESS headache to use the cloth. Not to mention, I'll be honest I was not thrilled about the idea of wiping Avery's bum with chemical-laden regular wipes. I try not to put all that stuff on my own skin so why would I want it on my newborn baby's? I actually used cloth wipes from the start even when I was using disposable diapers. I put a little plastic bowl on the changing table and piled the dirty ones in there (before I started my CD pail) and just washed them with her clothes (which were usually covered in poop and/or pee anyway because disposable diapers do NOT hold in newborn breastmilk poo very well, fyi). [I do use regular wipes occasionally like when we are out and I buy the Whole Foods 365 brand. I tried a couple different kinds of "natural" wipes and those are the best in my opinion.] I wasn't sure what kind of wipes I would like so I bought a bunch and I'll tell you my favorites are these Baby Kicks. I also like these OsoCozy ones. The other ones I have are either too small or don't wash well. I have about two dozen and a bunch more stashed away for later that I haven't needed to break into yet.

4. Wipes warmer. I personally think this is a necessity if you're using cloth wipes, though some may disagree with me. The reason is not to keep them warm, though that is nice for the baby and makes those middle of the night changes less jarring. It's to keep them MOIST. In the very beginning I didn't have one of these and I was constantly running to the bathroom to wet a wipe before changing, and forgetting and having to yell for someone to wet one for me - annoying. I got one of these and I love it. (Make sure you get the one for cloth wipes! They make one for regular too.) You buy these anti-microbial pads for the bottom to keep germies at bay. I use just plain water, wetting the wipes and keeping about a quarter inch of liquid in the bottom.

5. Diaper sprayer. For the spraying of the poop into the toilet. Now, if you're planning to breastfeed, you won't need one of these for the first six months. Breastmilk poo is quite innocuous and you can just throw it in the washing machine without rinsing or anything. Really. But once you start solids, you will definitely want a sprayer to wash solid poo's into the toilet. To be honest, this was the most daunting part of CD'ing for me. I just had a mental block about how it would all work out and just how do you DO it? Then I heard about the Potty Pail - it's worth the money. The pail sits on top of the toilet, and has hooks to hang the diaper on. I just carry the poopy diaper to the toilet, hang it on the hooks and spray. Poo goes out the hole in the bottom into the toilet and the pail contains the spray. I never have to touch poo! I just leave the diaper drip-drying for a while and then put it in the pail - often on the way to the laundry I will pick up the diaper hanging in the pail. Because Avery only poops once a day or even every couple days now!

So now washing. I'll tell you what I do and you can google "washing cloth diapers" and get about a million different methods, but most of them center around three things - cold soak, hot wash, cold rinse. First of all, I pull the diaper insert out before I dump it in the pail. You will want to do this too. When it's time to wash, I empty my pail liner into the washing machine (top loader) and throw the liner in. Then I do a cold wash cycle on regular, no soap. When that's done I do a hot wash with a couple tablespoons of Charlie's Soap and about half a cup of Borax. The Borax acts as a water softener - we have hard water here and if you don't use it your detergent will get used up softening the water and won't clean your diapers as well. When that cycle is done I pull the diaper liner out and hang it up to dry and run the diapers through an extra cold rinse. Sometimes I check while it's rinsing and if there are a lot of suds, I run another rinse or two. If you don't get all the soap out of the diapers you will get build-up which will cause them to repel (not absorb pee) and stink. Don't be afraid, just use a small amount of detergent and check every so often that the rinse cycle is suds-free. If not, rinse, rinse, rinse. To dry I hang the liners on a drying rack and put the inserts and wipes in the dryer. I haven't had any staining on my diapers, even with solids, but if you do you can just hang them to dry in the sun.

There are lots of different detergents you can use, but it HAS to be one that is fragrance and color free. Like I said you don't want stuff like scent hanging around on your diapers. Here's a handy chart rating the best detergents to use. I picked Charlie's Soap because another blogger I follow uses it and likes it. I haven't had any problems with it, it seems to work just fine. For the rest of my laundry I use a "free and clear" detergent like Arm and Hammer (and I wash Avery's clothes in it too, not in Dreft, you don't need a special detergent for baby's clothes).

So that's really all there is to cloth diapering. There are tons of different types of diapers and I did the research, but decided I wanted to go with a popular brand I was pretty sure I would like. You can get used diapers on diaperswappers.com or look on Ebay if you want to save a buck. I might have tried a couple of the ebay ones if I'd known about them before I bought all my FB's and BG's, but I didn't hear about them till later.

Questions? Comments? I'd love to hear from you!

So much for THAT trend

2011-03-13T17:07:00.001-05:00

Adam and I left Avery with Yaya last night to go to a friend's birthday celebration at a restaurant in Chinatown. It was our first evening away from her and even though we were only gone for a couple of hours, I don't think we'll be doing it again soon. She was fine at home, but when we got back and tried to put her to bed, it just was not happening. I have no idea if it was the fact that we threw off her routine by putting her to bed an hour late, or that we were gone, or a combination or something else entirely. After walking her around for an hour an a half myself, and trying unsuccessfully to lay her down in her crib (she kept falling asleep in my arms but waking up crying every time I would lay her down), I was exhausted. I hadn't eaten dinner yet, and had nothing to drink but a glass of wine in the previous three hours, and my contacts were still in so my eyes were like glue. I brought her downstairs and gave her to my mom to try. She did eventually get her down, several hours after her normal bedtime, but then she woke up an hour later and I just got in bed with her. Oh well. Maybe tonight?

I was surprised that I was the only stay at home mama there last night. I did feel excluded from the conversation a few times since there was quite a bit of "shop talk". And one of the things I like the least is the question, so what do you do? I usually just laugh and say, I keep the baby alive. One girl was asking me what I do with my days. It's really not interesting. I hang out with Avery, she takes naps, sometimes we go for walks. We go shopping. We get groceries. We play. I always feel like I'm put on the spot when I get that question, and kind of embarrassed, which is silly because it's not like I'm sitting around watching tv and eating bon bons all day (how I wish).

The thing is, I do miss work, but I don't wish I was doing it. There is nothing I'd rather be doing than parenting Avery. It was admittedly a rough transition for me at times, but I know I am doing the right thing for me and for her. I would be miserable if I was still working. I told Adam last night that I think that's why God gave us Avery the way she is - not a super laid back baby, but one that needs a little extra. I think if she had been an easy baby - slept and napped well, took a bottle, was content to be out of arms - I might have made a different decision about returning to work. It would have been easier to leave her. God shows us our path, but sometimes it's in unexpected ways.

Sleep, poop, hair, big love, tragedy

2011-03-12T16:27:00.000-05:00

Last night marked an unprecedented two nights in a row that Avery spent more than an hour in her crib at the start of the night. I hesitate to write anything about it on the internet because that's a great way to ensure she never does it again, but, well, here I am shunning superstition and writing about it. If she does it again tonight it will be a miracle! I am keeping my fingers crossed. I really like her going down in her crib for a long stretch to start the night. I can come downstairs and have a cup of tea, talk to Adam, and I can get in bed and drift off in whatever position I like. However, I also really like sleeping part of the night with Avery. I love cuddling with her in the night. It is so sweet. I don't even mind nursing a few times. As long as she goes right back to sleep (which is what happens more often than not) I just doze while she nurses, curled around her like a big shrimp and a little shrimp, and then fall asleep again once she's done.

A funny thing happened yesterday when I was changing a poopy diaper. I was doing a little song and dance to entertain Avery while I was changing her, "Oh it's just a little poop! It's not a big poop! Just a little one!" [Cue ironic smiting from universe.] All of a sudden she goes "ehhhh!" and poops again right as I am cleaning her up. Ok, everything's still contained in the diaper, no big deal. Surely she is done now. So I fold the diaper over, and all of a sudden she's pooping again! And again! And again! Poop on the outside of the diaper, on a nearby burp cloth I grabbed and stuck underneath, and yes, on the changing pad. I had a flashback to the newborn days when she would poo explosively all over the dresser, the wall and the curtains every time you opened her diaper. Avery does everything with exuberance.

This picture cracks me up. Her hair is a mess. She will no longer let me put a barrette in it to keep it out of her face. If I even touch her hair she immediately puts her hands up there to see what I put in it. If I manage to distract her and get a clip on her head, she inevitably discovers it soon after and pulls it out. She gets this look on her face like, aha, I have found the thing you put in my hair and now I am going to remove it! When I was at La Leche League a few weeks ago someone said she had Justin Beiber hair... hahaha.

Sometimes when I'm holding Avery or nursing her, I get so completely overwhelmed by how heartbreakingly much I love her that it nearly brings me to tears. She seems bigger every day to me - she's all legs and arms now even when she's curled up with me. She's starting to feel like a toddler instead of an infant. I was totally unprepared for the emotional extremes of parenting.

I feel terrible about Japan. Watching video footage of the earthquake and tsunami is horrifying. What a strange world. It sometimes seems like we're all just teetering on the edge, doesn't it?

Rough Night

2011-03-11T15:32:00.000-05:00

Well, we lived through our second Hawaii tsunami. You might recall last year's anticlimactic tsunami caused by an earthquake in Chile. It was pretty uneventful. The water levels changed by several feet but not enough to cause any flooding or damage.

Last night we were sitting in the living room relaxing before bed when Mom announced there was an earthquake in Japan, which she saw on her facebook. Immediately after that Adam got a call from his chain of command requesting that he activate his emergency call roster to let people know a tsunami was expected to hit Hawaii around three a.m. and anyone in flood zones needed to evacuate. Of course none of our phones worked because the cell lines were overloaded and we don't have a land line. Shortly after, we heard the tsunami sirens going off.

I went to bed around ten and had the same dream all night long that we were having to evacuate and take shelter. Adam's phone kept going off the whole night long with text messages and phone calls. Poor Avery woke up with the noise and couldn't get back to sleep so (poor) Mama finally got up and walked her around for at least an hour. Then the tsunami sirens were going off during the night. And THEN Adam's alarm went off at oh-dark-hundred. We did not sleep well last night!

I don't think any of Hawaii slept. Everyone in flood zones had to evacuate to high ground, and the military had to move all the ships out of Pearl Harbor and the planes off the runways. We learned last year that you can never really predict how big a tsunami will be until it hits because the swells can build so quickly. Earthquakes thousands of miles away can cause tsunamis here, hence the minor panic after the earthquake in Japan last night. I feel so bad for everyone there. Luckily Hawaii got off with just some flooding and no major damage from seven foot waves crashing on the shores.

31

2011-03-09T22:17:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was my thirty-first birthday. How did it come to pass that I'm in my fourth decade on earth? Seriously. Another year gone by. I remember when I was younger, thinking people in their thirties were old. Not like ancient old, but just, you know, mature old. All grown up. And now here I am, a grown up? I guess so.

Now that I'm a parent myself, my birthday has taken on a whole new meaning. Yesterday I said to my mom this is as much her day is it is mine. I know every year on Avery's birthday I'm going to be reliving going into labor, going to the hospital, and the moment she was born - the first time I got to see her and look in her eyes. I'm sure my mom does the same every time my birthday comes around.

Mom and Dad both came out to spend the day with me and we went out to lunch at a beach cafe, then had a nice dinner at home complete with yummy chocolate brownies. Dad already had to leave to get back for work, but Mom is staying for a little while longer. Avery is happy to have her Yaya back and so am I of course!

Ten months of Avery!

2011-02-27T17:35:00.001-05:00

Doesn't it seem like these monthly updates are coming with increasing frequency? Avery turned ten months old on Thursday! In retrospect, the time does seem to have passed quickly, though there have been spans of time that dragged: it seemed like we would never get out of the newborn stage. I have celebrated each step towards independence and every milestone that brings Avery closer to operating independently in the world (as in, not needing ME to function every minute of every day). At the same time, I look ahead and feel her slipping away from me already and I want to freeze her right now and keep her as my little baby forever. I want to keep her safe from the world and everything in it. We are now in a wonderful place where she is able to play independently, and has fewer needs in general, but she is also still sweetly dependent on us for snuggles, guidance and care. This is the best stage so far!

Avery is such a joyful baby. She is smiling all the time. We are very lucky in that regard! She is so much fun to be around.

As you can see, her hair continues to grow and thicken. I don't want to cut bangs on her, and she won't let me put bows in it anymore, so it often just hangs in her eyes, which I don't like either, but I figure soon it will be long enough to put behind her ears or pull it back.

Yesterday we finally bought a safety gate for the stairs since it seemed every time we turned around she was climbing up them again. She is becoming quite the little explorer with her new found mobility and agility. She is now standing on her own for several seconds at a time! She hasn't figured out how to do it, really... she mostly just forgets to hold on to something and finds herself standing independently on accident, looking exhilarated before plopping down on her padded bum. She can walk behind her walker-wagon and holding on to our hands for balance. Everyone likes to say, just wait till she's walking then she'll be into everything and you'll spend your whole day chasing her! But I'm excited for her to begin walking so we can go to the water park, the beach and the playground.

She still doesn't eat much. She will eat bites off my plate... or not, depending on her mood. If she is not interested in eating, she will clamp her mouth shut or spit the food out. She hardly ever feeds herself. If I give her chunks of food on her tray she will smear them around, squish them in her chubby little hands, or throw them on the floor. This is yet another area where parenting in reality has been very different from what I imagined. I pictured her being enthusiastic about foods and eating regular "meals" by the time she was one. Now it seems far off still that she will be eating with any regularity. She still gets the majority of her calories by far from breastmilk. One of my friends is talking about weaning her baby, who is two months younger than Avery. There is no way I could wean Avery right now. I mean, not without significant emotional trauma to both her and me. It's ok - I had planned on breastfeeding for a couple of years anyway, but I thought it would be a much smaller part of the picture by now, and certainly by two years. Now I'm reconsidering that and wondering how long she will continue to turn her nose up at solid foods. Will she still be getting the majority of her nutrition from me a year from now?!

Annnnnnd sleep. Ah, sleep! I remember it fondly! I laugh at my pregnant self now - I had such quaint notions. I read Dr. Weissbluth's book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child while I was pregnant and it gave me such completely unrealistic expectations. Perhaps your experience was different from mine, and if so, please let me know in the comments because I'm really interested in what you did that worked, but I haven't learned anything useful from any of the sleep books I've read. After reading Weissbluth, I thought, ok, I can do this, just let the baby cry because she needs to learn how to soothe herself. Then I was presented with my actual baby and discovered I would go to the ends of the earth to prevent her any suffering or hardship whatsoever. You guys, baby tears. BABY TEARS! Unbearable. Maybe that's just me.

Anyway, now I'm appalled at some of his suggestions, including one that if your baby cries so hard she vomits, you should wait until later to clean it up because if you go in there you will set back your sleep training progress. WTF Weissbluth?! Just leave your baby crying in her own vomit! She must learn to self soothe! I kid you not; that is a suggestion in his book. AVOID.

So I've found with my actual real life baby (not the one in my pregnant person's imagination) that I can't or won't let her cry for a variety of reasons and not only because I'm a martyr or have a bleeding heart. Trust me, I'm not exactly a "baby person" so it's not out of enjoyment or goodness that I continue to minister to her every whimper in the small hours of the night. It's because she's a PERSON. Not a little doggie to be trained that no one is coming when you cry at night so you might as well go back to sleep, but a human being. If Adam or anyone else I loved was crying bitterly in the night for a hug or because he was thirsty and couldn't get himself a drink, or because he was scared, I wouldn't just ignore it. Nor do I expect her to be able to soothe herself. She can't do anything else for herself! She can't eat or drink or wipe her own bum! Why on earth would I expect her to know how to soothe herself? If I consider how the world looks to her, especially how it looks when she wakes up alone in the middle of the night - it's probably kind of scary. (I also believe there are some babies who benefit from working out a little emotional tension at night and if their parents recognize that and everyone's happy, that's great! But it's definitely not our baby or our situation.) Having said all that, I still sometimes wonder if I'm "doing it wrong". I second guess myself. I wonder if she will ever (EVER) sleep through the night or on her own.

It's the best of times... it's the worst of times. I mean the night. Sometimes when I'm cuddled up with her and Adam is breathing softly on the other side of the bed, I just think it's the best. So sweet and peaceful. Other times my skin is just crawling and I don't want her nursing on me anymore and I just want my space and some uninterrupted sleep! When I feel like that I try to remind myself how much I will miss these sweet sleepy snuggles in a few years. Avery rolls on her side and puts her baby hand on my chest and drifts back to sleep. I sigh and relish her babyness.

I hesitate to write it for fear of jinxing it, but last night she slept in her crib for four hours and this morning she took an 80 minute nap. I have hope.

Still cute. Still lighting up our lives. I remember this time last year - only 8 weeks till she's born! Now it's just 8 weeks till she's a year old! So much can happen in a year. A year ago we wouldn't have a baby for two more months and now we have a ten month old.

Smart smart smart

2011-02-19T20:12:00.001-05:00

According to my copy of The Wonder Weeks,* Avery is smack in the middle of a developmental leap right now, which means she's fussier and clingier than normal (check, check), resisting naps (check), and isn't sleeping as well (CHECK). This developmental leap is the one when she learns how things go together in "programs", like stacking blocks, or putting toys away in a bin. Sure enough, a few days ago I was building block towers for her to knock over (a favorite activity around here), and I saw her trying to put one block on top of the other! Then we were playing with her stacking rings - you know the ones that go on a peg like these - and she actually put the rings on the peg! It was awesome. It's so amazing watching her learn things, and so much fun now that she's really learning. I mean, I know she's been learning all along, but before she was learning how to cram toys into her mouth and now she's learning interesting stuff like stacking blocks. She's starting to really understand words too. I'm thinking she probably understands a lot more than we give her credit for. When she is nursing sometimes she will reach out for my face and I'll take her hand and put it on my nose and say "Mommy's nose!" then my mouth, eye, ear, chin, cheek, forehead, naming each part for her. Now I can say, "Where's Mommy's mouth?" and, you guys, she will point to my mouth! The first time she did that I was so proud of her I nearly cried! Parenthood is a trip, y'all.

* I definitely recommend this book if you have an infant! It's a rare parenting book that doesn't tell you some "magical" or "instant" way to get your kid to do something. This book doesn't preach anything. It just tells you how your baby is developing and when they are going through major developmental leaps. There are 8 of them in the first year and I've found all of them to be pretty accurate. It's great because you can stop wondering why your baby suddenly cries whenever you set her down when last week she was fine. There's nothing wrong, she's just going through a major developmental spurt. You can stop trying to FIX these problems and relax knowing if you just weather the storm, your cheerful baby will be back in a few weeks. Plus it's interesting to get an idea of how your baby is learning all this stuff in the first year. How crazy is it that they are born lumps that can't focus their eyes or control their limbs and just a year later they are walking and saying a few words?! Insane!

Uh oh

2011-02-15T23:38:00.001-05:00

Avery has gotten in the habit of pushing her activity table around as a "walker". Earlier today she pushed it over by the laundry room and stairs where I couldn't see her, but I could hear her pushing the buttons so I knew she was still playing with it. Then, I started to hear carpet/crawling sounds. If you're a mom you know you develop really acute hearing and you can tell what your baby is up to even if you can't see her (eating paper, opening drawers, digging in a basket in the laundry room, etc). Well... the other day I saw her pawing around the stairs, lifting a knee up, but not really climbing up them. Yet. Today I heard her pawing around and when I walked over she was up on the first landing already!!!! I was talking to my mom and I just gasped into the phone and she said, what?! And I said, life as I know it is over! Haha. She crawled all the way up to the top (with me right behind her) and was so proud of herself.

She dances to her own beat

2011-02-14T14:27:00.001-05:00

Avery is such a crack up! She dances now when she hears music. If you start singing, she starts bobbing up and down. It is too funny when she does it in the car seat while she is restrained and she can only bob her head. I've been wanting to get this on video and I finally did a couple days ago. But there was no music! She was just bouncing to the beat in her head I guess.

Untitled from Michelle Seiler on Vimeo.

Happy Baby

2011-02-10T23:48:00.000-05:00

That's my girl. This picture pretty much sums up Avery's personality. She is always smiling! She is such a joy. She smiles at everyone she meets now... it's one of the top three comments I get about her - "oh, she's such a happy baby!" or "look at all that hair!" or "such pretty blue eyes!" I love her little gummy grin (still no teeth!).

There she goes!

2011-02-09T13:44:00.002-05:00

Untitled from Michelle Seiler on Vimeo.

Avery plays peek-a-boo

2011-02-08T15:07:00.000-05:00

Where's Avery????

PEEK-A-BOO!!!

I love how she looks so proud of herself :)

I broke down and paid up

2011-02-08T15:05:00.000-05:00

And with that (and $5), here are the pics from the last post.

Grumble.

2011-02-05T15:20:00.000-05:00

Adam was on a work trip last week to Indonesia so Mom and a friend came out to stay with me for the week and do girl stuff. We went out to lunch at the local microbrewery, Kona Brewing Co. Afterwards, Avery fell asleep on me in the parking lot. Darn! We were stuck, but we wanted to go to Costco, so Mom and I walked to it a mile down the road. I didn't have my sun umbrella, but I did have a baby pool floater that had a sunshade with it, so I held that over my head as we walked down the busy road to block some of the intense sunshine.

[Sorry if you're covered in snow and freezing your tushie off where you are!]

I have a picture of myself looking silly with the sunshade and the sleeping baby-in-backpack. I also have some adorable pictures of Avery sitting in the shopping cart like such a big girl at Costco. She was so funny; she was smiling at everyone who walked by. One lady said, oh you're so happy! That's our girl. Anyway, I can't post the pics because blogger is telling me I am out of storage for photos on my blog! WTF blogger? I had no idea there was a storage limit but apparently there is and I'm at it already and it costs $5 to get more storage. PER YEAR. That's not a lot, I know, but ... I don't know... I mean, wtf. I don't want to have to pay to post pics on the internet. So, I'm thinking about what I'm going to do. I will probably break down and pay the five bucks, since I've already got so much time on this blog and I don't really want to start something new. Stay tuned.

Poor Adam was traveling from 11 pm (Hawaii time) on Wednesday night until 9 am (Hawaii time) on Friday morning. Eek! Poor guy. He was stuck in Korea for 13 hours. There's just no easy way to get to Indonesia apparently. We are headed up to Turtle Bay, where our wedding reception was, to spend the night tonight and celebrate our upcoming anniversary. Almost two years we've been married!

Trip to Chinatown

2011-01-27T21:25:00.001-05:00

Here's a cute one from earlier today. We went downtown to eat at this yummy hole in the wall Lebanese restaurant. Then we headed to Chinatown to go to Mr. Kim's trading shop to get some rose quartz jewelry for a relative who was just diagnosed with breast cancer. We had a fun day! All the little Asian women in Chinatown loved Avery and she, of course, was hamming it up with all the attention.

Nine months of Avery!

2011-01-26T13:25:00.001-05:00

We went to Avery's nine month well baby visit on Monday, her nine month birthday! She weighs 19 lbs now! And she's 27.5 inches long, which means she's grown more than three inches since her six month visit.

Avery's ninth month was full of exuberant exploration. She has been crawling everywhere. We are not baby proofed so that means my day is spent deterring her from pulling things off shelves or on top of her. She is also pulling up on anything that looks convenient for it... which sometimes results in a few bumps and bruises (and tears). No matter how closely you supervise, sometimes even when I'm right next to her, she still takes a tumble.

She is talking up a storm, babbling all kinds of different syllables. Ba, ma, da, wa and some funny sounding ones like therby, blerby, and bwahp. We were having lunch yesterday with my friend S and her baby who is seven months old, and the babies were sitting at the end of the table in high chairs next to each other. Avery turned to the other baby and starts flapping her arm and going, "BWAP! Bwah-BWAH, BAH!" And the poor little guy stuck his lip out and started crying! He must have thought she was yelling at him.

She is still not really interested in food. She will sometimes enthusiastically eat banana or avocado or a date, but for the most part, she still acts like you put dirt in her mouth when you feed her something. I see other people feeding their babies and I'm like, see Avery?! That baby is eating! I guess she will come around when she's ready...??? Or I'll just be nursing her until she goes to college, hahaaaa.

I'm pretty sure we are in the middle of the dreaded nine month sleep regression here. Avery's sleep and napping are pretty bad right now (what else is new, right?). It's taking me forever to convince her to nap while she fights it the whole time and then she naps for 20 minutes! At night, she acts tired so we get her ready for bed but when I lay down to nurse her, she starts acting like a rabid ferret, so we come back downstairs to play for a while longer. Half the time I'm just getting in bed with her and not bothering to try to put her in her crib because I'm ready for bed by the time we finally get her to sleep. I'm trying to pay less attention to her night waking, so I don't know exactly how many times she is waking during the night, but it's a lot. Like probably 5 times? Or 8? Not sure. The more I pay attention and count, etc, the more frustrated I get and the more awake I get so I just try not to notice!

In spite of the sleep difficulties, we are having such a fun time. This is the best age! She is becoming such a little person and is actually learning things like how to give kisses, do snooties, hand you something, and even trying to imitate when you say hi, uh oh, or laugh. It just keeps getting better and better.

For some reason, it is hysterical when daddy hops like a frog!

2011-01-23T20:18:00.002-05:00

Untitled from Michelle Seiler on Vimeo.

Schwimmin'

2011-01-22T20:24:00.003-05:00

Untitled from Michelle Seiler on Vimeo.

Another first

2011-01-20T12:56:00.000-05:00

We have lots of playgrounds around our neighborhood, but none of them have swings. Well now that I have the BOB, I've been taking Avery for walks and I found a swingset in a nearby neighborhood! So we went there yesterday and Avery got to try out the swing for the first time. She was laughing - I think she liked it!

Tiny

2011-01-18T20:22:00.001-05:00

That is Avery's hospital bracelet from when she was born. Every time I walk by my dresser I see it, but the other day I picked it up and joined the ends back into a circle. I can't believe that fit on her LEG! And it kept falling off while we were at the hospital. She seems like such a big baby to me now. She used to be so tiny! I have pictures of myself holding her with her legs and bottom in ONE of my hands. Was she really so small? It seems unbelievable. I can barely remember what her little seven pound body felt like. Impossibly fragile. And now she's all roly and poly and babychub. Man I love that little girl.

BOB Revolution vs Baby Jogger Summit XC

2011-01-16T15:49:00.000-05:00

Before Avery was born I read and re-read the stroller section in the Baby Bargains book (the bible of baby gear and a must-have in your library!). Their recommendation is to buy a basic snap-n-go stroller frame for your infant car seat and wait to buy a stroller until you know what you need it for. They reason that it's easier to just leave the newborn baby in the car seat instead of getting them in and out and into a separate stroller. Plus, as you might suspect, your life changes radically after you have a baby and you won't know what you really will use a stroller for until the little person is here.

That worked perfectly for us, especially since we were blessed with a baby who hated plastic seating of all kinds - car seat, stroller, bouncy chair, swing - and preferred to be in-arms. Six weeks in, I was so glad we didn't invest in a stroller before Avery was born because we had little use for one. If we were out and about, Avery was in the Ergo. It took me so long to recover from giving birth that our walks around the neighborhood were limited to slow shuffles around the block, which the snap-n-go was fine for.

Fast-forward six months to when Avery learned to sit up and became more amenable to riding around in a stroller. I borrowed my friend's jogger and she loved riding around the neighborhood. And I knew I wanted a stroller for walking or jogging outside. I initially thought I would buy a used jogging stroller on craigslist and invest in a nice lightweight stroller like a Maclaren. I searched and searched, but didn't find what I was looking for. I tried out two versions of the Maclaren and found them to be rather heavy and difficult to fold - not what I had in mind. So I decided I would invest in a nice jogging stroller for outdoor stuff, and try to find one that would work as an every day stroller too.

Word to the wise - there is not one stroller to rule them all. If you want a jogger, it's going to be heavy and big. If you want a lightweight stroller, it's going to have crappy plastic wheels not suited for going over bumpy surfaces. The best you can do is pick what's most important to you. If you spend most of your stroller time walking around the mall or running errands and need to get the stroller in and out of your trunk all day, you need a light weight stroller. If it's more important to go off roading and have a smooth, durable ride, an all-terrain or jogger is the way to go. I personally fall into the latter category.

So I did a ton of research, and looked at lots of strollers. At first I thought I would get an inexpensive one like the Baby Trend or Jeep joggers. But after trying both out, they really bugged me. They were heavy and hard to push and didn't fit in the trunk of our car. Not to mention the skimpy sun canopies. I coveted a BOB Revolution, but the $400 sticker nearly gave me hives. I tried to find a used one, but the resale value is pretty high and I just couldn't stomach spending $300 on a used, rusted stroller. By Christmas I had resigned myself that I would get a new BOB and look at it as an investment that would last through a couple kids.

Then I heard about the Baby Jogger Summit XC. It's nearly identical to the BOB, but has some additional features that made me lean towards buying it instead. But nowhere stocks them! After hemming and hawing I finally ordered both from Amazon so I could compare them side by side. I'll just tell you right up front that the BOB won out in the end, although both strollers are great.

Here's the Baby Jogger Summit XC.

And here's the BOB Revolution.

As you can see, they are really, really similar. The dimensions and weight are almost identical, and they fold down to almost the same size. The main reason I thought I would end up keeping the Baby Jogger is the one-handed fold. Behold:

Now, the stroller pictured is the Baby Jogger City Mini, not the Summit, but the fold is the same. What could be easier? You can fold the stroller and throw it in your trunk while holding your baby in the other arm.

Other reasons the Summit almost won me over:

1. It locks shut when folded whereas the BOB does not. You can use the wrist strap on the BOB to secure it shut, but it doesn't have an automatic lock.

2. Better sun canopy on the Summit. It's really sturdy and opens at multiple positions. It has a smallish peek-a-boo window on top that secures easily with velcro, and two ventilation windows on the side that secure with velcro. The sun canopy on the BOB is just as large, but doesn't feel as sturdy and won't stay open in as many positions (i.e., partially open). The peek-a-boo window is larger on the BOB, but the means of securing it is not as well engineered, and there are no ventilation windows.

3. More headroom in the Summit. It has an inch and a half more headroom, which is technically not that much, but the canopy on the BOB kind of hangs down the seat back when it's not in use and unless you tuck it up, it cuts off several inches of room.

4. The seat in the Summit. It's slightly more upright and more padded. The recline mechanism is much better than the one on the BOB. To the BOB's credit, its seat back is much more rigid and supportive. One complaint in reviews of Baby Jogger strollers is the lack of back support.

5. Shocks. The Summit has shocks on every wheel whereas the BOB has only rear-wheel shocks.

6. Accessories. You can buy a belly bar for the Summit, and a rider-board for the back that a second child can stand on. The BOB car seat adapter comes with a snack tray, but from what I've read, it's too high to be useful as such.

So why on earth did I pick the BOB??? Well despite all the lovely facts above, the biggest thing that sold me on the BOB is that it's narrower. The back wheels are noticeably closer together under the seat. That makes it much easier to maneuver. Even just pushing it around my kitchen I could tell a big difference. The BOB felt so much better to push. The handlebar is nice and padded and it turns on a dime. I can imagine pushing the Summit through doorways or aisles would be trickier because of how far out the wheels stick.

In addition:

1. The fold on the BOB. While not quite as simple as the Summit, it's nearly there. You have one extra step with the BOB - flipping down the handlebar. Then you pull up on a handle just like the Summit and voila. BUT... the BOB is so much easier to open. You just pull on the handlebar and the thing flies open easily. I was struggling to get the Summit open and upright.

2. Alignment. The BOB has a front wheel alignment mechanism. That's important if you plan to jog with it in the fixed wheel position so you can adjust the wheel if the stroller is drifting to one side.

3. The basket underneath. The baskets are the same size, but it's nearly impossible to access the basket on the Summit. There is no way I could fit my medium size diaper bag in it, not because the basket is too small, but because of the way it's nested in the frame of the stroller. I had to squish, but my diaper bag fit easily into the BOB basket.

4. The handbrake. I guess some people would see it as a plus, but I didn't like the handbrake on the Summit. It just sticks up awkwardly from the handle. The BOB doesn't have a handbrake.

And, most importantly, like I said above, the BOB's narrower profile and maneuverability were what won me over in the end. It just felt better to push.

I feel like I might end up getting a smaller umbrella-type stroller too at some point, but I'm going to live with just the BOB for a while and see if I think I really need that. The BOB might prove to just be too cumbersome for some things like the mall or Target, but we'll see.

Hopefully this helps if you are deciding between these two very similar strollers!

Looking forward

2011-01-13T22:57:00.000-05:00

Today is our last day on the mainland. Tomorrow morning Avery and I are headed back to Hawaii. No one is sadder than I. Yes, of course, I'm happy to see my husband again. Buuuuut... man, I just get so lonely on my own all day with the little elf. Which is an unexpected state of affairs for me, the classic introvert. Normally I am happy as a clam in my hermitage. It's certainly not like being alone in solitude, at liberty to devour books, watch movies, take a long shower, go for a jog, and etc. Sometimes being a stay at home mama can make you feel like you're all alone in the world. (Sorry, was I projecting? By "you" I meant "me".)

I know I need to get out more, make some friends, meet more moms with young'ns. Apparently I am very bad at that. I hope now that Avery is getting easier to cart around hither and yon, I will make some more friends or at least find some activities to keep me busy. She is still too wee for story time at the library (which is mere blocks from our house! how happy am I to live so close to the library! however, it has all been for naught thus far as I have had exactly zero time/space/mental energy for all the lovely books I'd like), but I am planning to sign us up for infant swim classes, so there is that. And soon she will be walking - I'd wager in the next month or two - so that opens up a world of possibilities. We live close to several playgrounds and the pool in our neighborhood has a little area where water things squirt out of the ground that I think she will like. Then there is the zoo and the beach - though those are two activities that would really be more enjoyable with another adult around.

ANYWAY! I am trying to think of all the positive things I have to look forward to back in Hawaii and not be sad that I'm losing my constant companion (Mom). I'm being rather silly about it too, because she and a friend of ours are traveling to Hawaii in a couple of weeks to stay with me while Adam goes on a work trip. And then a couple weeks after that Adam's folks will come to visit us and Adam will take leave from work for their trip so that will be fun. And then, it will be March, and Avery will be almost ONE! So. Chin up. Lots to look forward to. Spoonful of sugar.

Wish us luck tomorrow. We'll be six hours on the plane. Pray we have an empty seat next to ours.

PS: Avery ripped a huge chunk of hair out of my head yesterday. Just thought I'd let you know. It really hurt! Those sticky little hands......

A few things, randomly

2011-01-10T13:41:00.001-05:00

Diaper changes have become somewhat more... challenging lately. And by that I mean it's like trying to wrestle a greased pig in a poke. It is all the more interesting if there is poop involved. No parenting skill is more important in this situation than your abilities to multitask. You have to hold the feet so she doesn't stomp directly into the dirty diaper while maneuvering a wipe out of the container and simultaneously preventing her from flopping her entire body over. Never underestimate the abilities of the baby to escape and crawl off with poo still on her bum the second you remove your hand.

Avery has become quite talkative lately. It's really very cute. She looks at you with intensity, as though she is explaining something Very Important and says, "Bwah bwah bahbwah bwah! Mum mum." If you are not paying attention to her - heaven forbid you are trying to have a conversation with someone else - she babbles louder and louder until she completely drowns you out and you are forced to give her your full and undivided attention.

She is also developing an attitude. If she gets mad at you, she will actually grab your hand and bite your finger! It's adorable and hilarious for the time being since she still doesn't have any teeth. I'm not sure how to nip this behavior in the bud before her chomping gets really painful.

This was Avery taking a "bath" in the hotel sink in San Antonio. I think her little crossed feet are too adorable not to share with you! I love the impish look she has about her too. Doesn't she just remind you of some woodland elf or fairy sitting on a toadstool or peeking out from a hollow tree?

This rocking chair was mine when I was a little girl. My parents held onto it all these years for when my sister and I start having babies. We dug it out of the garage last week. Avery thinks it's pretty cool!

The little seat she's sitting in is a chair my grandpa (the one I introduced you to in the last post) made for me when I was wee. It's just the right size for Avery.

Four generations!

2011-01-09T13:12:00.000-05:00

We were busy this week with a trip to San Antonio to visit my Grandfather - Avery's GREAT Grandfather. Yes, we have five generations living on my dad's side and four on my mom's. We are lucky! Avery loved Papa and she went to him right away with no anxiety or tears!

It was fun to show Avery all the animals. She's never seen animals like these before! Papa has exotic birds, deer, peacocks, alpacas, horses, a donkey, dogs, cats, and even a lynx! Avery was a little nervous about the big newfoundland dogs Tessie and Tory, and also about the horses.

That's Victor in the cage. He's a funny bird who says, "Tom!" (My grandpa's name). And, "hello!"

In the four wheeler on our way to see the horses with Papa and Carol. We got to see some deer on the way.

Feeding apple slices to the horses. Avery was a little scared of them and she kept trying to climb up me, presumably to get away!

That's Natalie the lynx. Natalie just stared at Avery - I think she wanted to make a tasty snack out of her! It was a fun time!

I'm thinking we need bigger diapers

2011-01-08T13:00:00.000-05:00

It's amazing how they seem to grow out of stuff overnight!

So! Excited! to See YOU!!

2011-01-03T16:31:00.001-05:00

Untitled from Michelle Seiler on Vimeo.

Walking in the desert

2011-01-02T16:56:00.000-05:00

The temperature dropped here and it's been in the 30s - brrr! But today it was a sunny 34 degrees so we bundled up and took the Little out for a walk to get some fresh air and burn off some of those Christmas goodies we've been noshing. She slept the whole time snug as a bug all zipped up inside my fleece.

Happy New Year!

2010/2011

2010-12-30T13:19:00.003-05:00

I've done this the last couple years, so why buck tradition? Here's last year's. Wow, the last two years have been busy with major life events!

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?

I gave birth. I abandoned my burgeoning public service career to become a stay at home mom.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? 

I didn't make any resolutions last year, but I set some goals:

1. Bring a healthy baby into this world - done
2. Get back in shape after the baby is born - not done, I'm totally out of shape right now
3. Figure out the best work situation for me & my family - done
4. Build a stronger marriage - definitely done!

This year I'm feeling lazy about goals & resolutions. I know I should make some, but... meh. As long as I keep myself and the baby alive, we'll call it good.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?  

My friend S in Hawaii gave birth to a sweet little boy.

4. Did anyone close to you die?  

Thankfully no.

5. What countries did you visit?  

We traveled to the mainland U.S.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

Mmmmmm.... sleep. And a size 6 b'hind again.

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Avery's birthday, April 24, obvs.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? 
 
Giving birth unmedicated. Close runner up: successfully breastfeeding exclusively.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I can't really say this is a failure since I didn't even try, but not losing all the weight I wanted to after giving birth.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Yes, I think we can count giving birth/postpartum recovery in here (AWFUL) as well as the three times I got sick in the last two months.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

A stroller. More on that soon.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My mom's, hands down. She carried me through postpartum. Also Adam's, for so many reasons, but let's just say I'm the lucky one in our relationship.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?  

Uhhhh, I dunno.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Rent. Fo' sho'. Y'all, it's 'spensive to live in Hawaii.

15. What did you get really excited about?

The Little Elf Princess!

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?

Probably Dog Days Are Over by Florence and the Machine.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: 

– happier or sadder? Happier.
– thinner or fatter? Thinner, but I was five months preggo last year.
– richer or poorer? Technically poorer, since I quit my job and literally cut our income in half. But, you know, richer too in the non-material sense (duh).

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?  

Sleep. And take videos of Avery.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?  

Eat?

20. How did you spend Christmas?  

In Las Vegas at my folks house, with my sister and brother-in-law and Adam and Avery.

21. Did you fall in love in 2010?

Duh... totally, completely, hopelessly.

22. What was your favorite TV program?  

TV? What's that?

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?  

Nope.

24. What was the best book you read?

The Paleo Solution by Robb Wolf.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? 

Raffi on Pandora, hahaha.

26. What did you want and get?

A beautiful, healthy baby. (DUH).

27. What did you want and not get?

A baby that's a great sleeper!

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

I only saw one film this year - Adam and I got to go see Harry Potter the day before yesterday. And I was beginning to think I would never see a film in a theater again!

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 30 - egads! Is that right? I was seven months preggo. I think Adam took me to the Polynesian Cultural Center?? And we saw the show there. Or no, wait... maybe we went to a luau? I can't really remember. I was kind of preoccupied with the impending birth.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Sleep.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?

Pajamas, mostly.

32. What kept you sane?  

Adam and my mom. La Leche League. My new mom friend S.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Huh?

34. What political issue stirred you the most?  

Huh?

35. Who did you miss?  

Adam while I was on the mainland. My mom when she left us.

36. Who was the best new person you met?  

Duh.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.  

This too shall pass.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Everything's different
My head in the clouds

I hit this corner
With my foot on the gas
I started sliding, I lose it
Everything's different just like that

"So Damn Lucky" by Dave Matthews

Santa came to our house!

2010-12-27T12:15:00.002-05:00

As you can see, Santa visited our house and left some toys for the little one... and for the big ones. We had a wonderful Christmas, and all of us were truly spoiled, especially the little elf.

Here she is on Christmas morning, discovering her new toys. The early morning was all about Avery, watching her play with her toys. Then we ate our traditional Christmas morning breakfast of monkey bread. YUM! After breakfast, Avery took a nap and the big people opened most of our gifts while she was sleeping.

Avery kept going back and forth trying to play with multiple toys at once. I think she was a little overstimulated!

Gift opening in progress!

Avery got a Christmas story from her Grammie and Papa Seiler, as well as a sweet rocking horse that's waiting in Hawaii for her!

Ahhh, the best part - playing with the boxes and wrapping paper!

I love the look on her face - she's thinking, what the heck?!

And the aftermath! I'm playing with my new toy - an iPhone (thanks Mom and Dad!!). My sister and her husband were joking that I was from "olden times" since I didn't even have a "smart phone" before and I apparently revealed my ignorance by making some dumb comments about what the iPhone can/can't do. Ah well. I still use and love my PC too.

Hope your Christmas was as good as ours!

Eight months of Avery

2010-12-24T13:40:00.000-05:00

Dear Avery,

Today you are eight months old! At eight months you are such a joy and a delight. I sometimes wish I could freeze you at this age forever, so you will always be my sweet little baby. You are such a doll. You love to give kisses, and you reach for me now when you want a cuddle or to eat. You love to pull up on things. Standing on your own - holding onto something, of course - is your new favorite discovery. You especially like it when someone will get on the floor and play with you. You are also crawling all over the place now. If anything interesting catches your eye, you make a beeline for it. And you can say mama and dada. Tomorrow will be your first Christmas. I can't wait to see what Santa brings you! I let him know some things I thought you would like and I think there will be lots of fun toys under the tree for you! We love you so much!!

Love,
Mama

First visit with Santa

2010-12-22T21:38:00.000-05:00

We took Avery to visit Santa and Mrs. Claus for the first time! They flew in from the North Pole on Monday and we headed over to visit. I was expecting her to burst into tears as soon as we sat her on his lap, but she did pretty well ... that is until one of the elf-helpers tickled her with this feather duster thing and you should have seen the look on her face. It was like, "what the HECK." And then she stuck her lip out and cried. Oh well, at least we got this picture of her before that happened! Even though she looks slightly bewildered, it's still pretty cute.

Happening lately

2010-12-20T14:10:00.002-05:00

I'm finally getting over my third (THIRD) cold in the last two months. This one was all in my chest - coughing & sore throat. To be honest, it was an easier cold than the first one that was all in my sinuses because I could actually breathe. But still not fun. I lost my voice for a few days too. Dr. Google says breastfeeding does not reduce your immunity, but I guess being awakened 4-10+ times per night for eight months straight does take its toll. I seriously never get sick. And now three times in the span of six weeks... ugh. I hope I can stay healthy for a while now.

Speaking of Avery sleeping... she slept six straight hours without a peep last night. It was a miracle. I have been putting her down in my parents' room and last night she went down at nine, woke briefly at 10 and then slept until FOUR A.M.!!! I hope this trend continues. We've now graduated to putting her down in her own bed to start the night. I'm hoping she'll go longer and longer in there until she's in there on her own all night. I started this the last time I was here by putting her down in my parents' room (mom brings her to me when she wakes up) and she was sleeping a couple of four hour chunks. But then when we got back home it all kind of went out the window and she went back to waking every 1-3 hours and coming into our bed usually before midnight. Is it something about their room? Or her room at home? Who knows. Getting her into her crib to start the night has been something of a reprieve for me. I can go back downstairs and have a cup of tea and talk to my husband for a little while before going to bed. Then I can usually sleep on my own for an hour or two. It makes a big difference in how rested and refreshed I feel, just getting those few hours of personal space. Of course, I'm always a little bit happy inside when she wakes up and I get to snuggle her up next to me in bed!

We survived another trans-Pacific flight and Avery did really great. I was lucky enough to have an A/B seat all to myself. We sat next to an Australian family on their way to Utah to go skiing. They had five kids!! And from what I could tell they were all under the age of 10. The little five year old girl noticed Avery towards the end of the flight and said in her adorable Australian accent, "Mommy! Can I talk to the baby?!" And then, "Mommy! She looks like a dolly!" Haha, it was cute. By the end of the flight, all the children were crowded around my seat talking to Avery and showing her toys.

We've been having fun with Yaya getting ready for Christmas. We've been shopping, wrapping, decorating and planning meals. It's nice to be in chilly weather again, though I have no winter clothes that fit me at the moment. The last time I was in cold weather clothes I was wearing a size 6 and now I'm in a 10/12. (Ok, mostly a 12.) Avery didn't have any cold weather clothes either and had to get some new warm outfits. Sadly her chubby baby thighs are no longer on display all the time!

Avery is crawling all over the place now and pulling up on everything. She has to be supervised constantly. I turn my back for one second and she falls and starts crying. Or is getting into something she shouldn't. She is learning new things every day. She learned how to put blocks into this little bin that's covered with felt so you can't see what's inside, and to take them out again. She is also babbling now too. It started out with ba-ba-ba (still a favorite) and then ma-ma-ma, which has now been replaced by da-da-da. It's so cute - she wakes up first thing in the morning and looks over at me and says da-da. I wonder what consonant she will figure out next?

Adam is joining us soon, along with my sister and her husband. It's the first time my whole family will be together for Christmas since my sister and I were in college!

I guess that's about all the news I have. What's going on with you?

Little Elf

2010-12-18T18:36:00.000-05:00

Yaya's Bathroom

2010-12-16T12:59:00.002-05:00

Crawling in Yaya's bathroom, 7.5 months December 2010 from Michelle Seiler on Vimeo.

Start 'em young

2010-12-10T19:14:00.000-05:00

Helping mommy do her workout.

Little moments

2010-12-09T00:42:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I wish I had a camera in my eye or something that I could just record whatever I see. There are so many moments with a baby - facial expressions, sounds, cuteness in general - that I want to capture and remember forever. But by the time you have the camera fired up, the moment has usually passed. It's hard to capture the best stuff with a point and shoot, especially now that movement has commenced in earnest!

Play time with her hair in a Pebbles 'do. That little smile...

Bath time. Avery loves to splash in the water. I love her round naked tum-tum and bum-bum :) And bundling her up in her duck towel afterward, even though she pees on me half the time. I wrap her up in a little ball and say, I got the bay-beee! Cleeeean bay-beee!

Peeking.

I wish there was some way of capturing the essence of a moment. Sometimes it's not just an image, but an emotion, a smell, the warmth of her little body snuggled up next to me, or when she looks up at me from her perch in the Ergo. This is the good stuff. I wish I could bottle it for later on. I know I won't remember all those little moments - they are already melting into one big luscious blur of babyness.

Merry and Bright

2010-12-06T14:09:00.000-05:00

We put up our tree last weekend! I resisted the idea since I'm headed home soon and it kind of seemed pointless, but Adam convinced me and I'm glad we did. It's all Christmas-y in here!

Avery likes it. She is definitely crawling now, but she hasn't figured out that she can locomote wherever she wants now. She will crawl towards something she really wants - like me or the power cord to my computer - but she doesn't just crawl all over the place when you set her down yet. So the tree is safe haha. For the moment. She will probably figure it out right when we get to Yaya's house where there is LOTS of stuff to get into and the tree will have presents under it.

It's Christmas inside, but it's still 85 degrees outside. Well, I guess I can't complain. I do kind of miss chilly weather though and I never thought I'd say that. Maybe because the warm weather makes people think they need to overcompensate, everyone in our neighborhood goes all out decorating their houses, including giant inflatable yard ornaments, elaborate scenes, and lights to shame Clark Griswold. It's going to be so fun next year when Avery is almost two and can get excited about it all. This year will be cute, but I suspect Avery will be more interested in the wrapping paper than anything!

Seven months of Avery!

2010-12-02T14:30:00.001-05:00

I'm a week and a half overdue with this. November was a rough month for me! I was sick TWICE, after never getting sick for literally years. I started the month off with a wicked cold that took about two weeks to clear fully, then a week later I came down with some kind of violent gastrointestinal bug that had me throwing up (eeeeyuck). Luckily I was well enough by Thanksgiving to go to our friends' house for turkey dinner, although I think I must be the only person in America who didn't gain weight on Thanksgiving! My stomach just was not up to gluttony, alas.

Enough about me, let's talk about Avery! She turned seven months old the day before Thanksgiving! Her seventh month was all about figuring out this crawling thing. She is still not totally proficient, but just this morning she moved forward halfway across the room to get to me! She's almost 7.5 months old, so she didn't really accomplish that last month, but she was really close!

Last week in church she was actually climbing up the back of the pew. I told Adam, it's time to drop the crib! I walked in a few days ago to get her from her nap to find her on her knees trying to pull up on the crib. I've seen her actually do it when I was there, so I know she can. She likes to pull up on other stuff too, though she hasn't really gotten to the dangerous point yet of pulling up on tv stand, coffee table, etc -just hasn't occurred to her yet I think.

We sort of started solids. It's not really going that well. She just doesn't seem that into it. If I try to feed her purees, she just gags on them. I was enterprising and made some baby food, but I've mostly thrown it away - she just doesn't want to eat food. We've tried a lot of different things - avocado, banana, sweet potato, beef, chicken, mixed veggies, apples & strawberries... I've had the most success with avocado, and only if I feed it to her with my fingers!I'm going to be nursing her until she goes to grade school... god I hope I'm kidding LOL.

Here she is eating her first food - egg yolk. She mostly just smeared it all over herself and the high chair. Not sure any really went down her throat. I'm going to have to start therapy just to deal with the mess of feeding a baby - it takes 20 minutes to try getting her to eat and then another 30 of cleaning up after it. I'm going to be spending my whole day feeding/cleaning. It gives me hives to think about it!

Still cute as ever.

On the move.

Avery just learned how to do "wah-wah's" a week ago. She moves a toy or her fist around her mouth and goes "aaaaaaaaaaa" so it makes a wah-wah-wah sound. She also figured out how to go "ba-ba-ba-ba-ba" and "ma-ma-ma-ma-ma".

Just a little more than a week until we're going to be headed back to the mainland to spend Christmas with Yaya and Poppy. Adam is working a new job now, which means he doesn't have to work nights anymore and he gets holidays off.

Gotta end this. She just woke up from her (20 minute) nap and I can hear her going, "a-ma-ma-ma-ma" on the monitor -cuuuuute.

Resemblence

2010-11-17T13:22:00.000-05:00

My maternal grandmother at 8 months or so.

Avery at six months.

I see a strong resemblance, don't you?!

Six Months of Avery: Month by Month Edition!

2010-11-11T22:50:00.001-05:00

Just born!

One week

One month

Two months

Three months

Four months

Five months

Six months!

Little discussed fact of motherhood

2010-11-10T13:49:00.001-05:00

FYI, when you get sick and you have a nursing baby? You still have to take care of the baby! Unless you can get your husband to take time off work to help your sick, pathetic self out (hahahaha). Ahhhh, I remember the good old days when I would get sick and spend the whole day shuffling around in old sweats, drinking tea, watching movies, napping, taking tons of cold medicine and nyquil at night and sleeping for twelve hours. No more! Now in spite of feeling like I've been dragged behind a truck on the highway, I have to spend the day carrying the baby around, entertaining her, changing diapers, nursing, nursing, trying not to sneeze on her, trying not to cough and wake her up while I'm getting her down for her nap. Oh, and still getting up at night! AND, if that's not enough, you can't even take the really good cold medicines because decongestants can lower your milk supply. There is no relief!

Actually, the hardest part has been not being able to kiss and snuzzle the baby! I don't want her to get my cold. She's not showing any symptoms yet so hopefully she got enough immunity from my milk that she won't.

I can't even remember the last time I had a cold. I guess I got really run down with the traveling and the not sleeping for months on end. And who knows where I got it? The plane? The clinic when I went to take Avery to her 6 month appointment? (She's still in the 50th percentile, and weighs almost 16 lbs.) I'm feeling better today. Still not *great* but at least I'm on the upswing.

Six months of Avery

2010-10-30T11:36:00.000-05:00

Avery turned six months old last Sunday. This last month has been the best one so far! She is so much fun now that she is turning into a little person. Avery's sixth month was all about her learning how to maneuver her body in the world. It started with her getting better at manipulating toys - passing them from hand to hand, accurately getting them in her mouth, and banging them on the floor or table. She mastered rolling over both ways, and is now sitting up all by herself without too much wobbling over. And her latest trick is popping up on her hands and knees and rocking back and forth. Crawling is surely not far off.

This has been a big month for Avery because we have been on the road all month long, and we're still at Yaya and Poppy's house in Las Vegas. We started our trip here and made a gradual journey down to Florida for my sister's wedding last weekend. I had originally planned to go straight back to Hawaii with Adam, but decided at the last minute to break up that long, grueling trip with another stop in Las Vegas. It's been an exhausting month for Mama and I'm very road-weary, but Avery has weathered the traveling like a pro. She's now been on 8 plane rides, including layovers, with another two before we're home. We visited cousins in Washington DC and saw my friend E while we were there. And we met all sorts of relatives at my sister's wedding including Avery's Great Grandmother and her Great-Great Grandmother, who is 99 years old!

Sleep is still our biggest challenge! Avery is still often waking every hour or more all night long and it's slowly draining me to the point where I feel seriously depressed at times. Sometimes I feel so drained I don't feel able to cope with her during the day! I keep feeling like I need to Do Something about the situation, but I'm really not sure what... I'm too sleep deprived to think clearly and objectively about it. I'm hesitant to try anything new that might result in me getting even less sleep than I already am. I have tried a few times to take her out of her swaddle, and to put her down in a crib and not in my bed, but it has always resulted in hours of frustration on my part.

Last night was a mini-breakthrough in that she slept unswaddled all night long for the very first time. She surprised me with how well she did, although I don't think it decreased her night waking as I hoped it would. And I got even less sleep because she was sprawled out in the middle of the bed and I was hugging the edge, trying to get comfortable, wanting to toss and turn, but trying to stay still so as not to make any noise. Not to mention my brain was on alert monitoring her all night. And she was moving around more, of course, and I hear every little sound she makes and my brain turns on - what's she doing?

I'm torn about moving her to her crib. On the one hand, I know she really needs a separate sleeping space because she disrupts my sleep too much when she is right next to me (and honestly, I probably disrupt her sleep to some extent too). Part of me thinks (hopes) that if/when she is in her crib, she will sleep longer stretches. On the other hand, there are many good reasons to keep her in my bed, the biggest being that I don't have to get up and work on getting her back to sleep in her crib. I can just plug her in and let her fall asleep nursing, which she often does in a matter of minutes. Easy! BUT, if I only had to get up once or maybe twice, it would be worth it? Maybe? Rather than be awakened hourly all night? Also, when she's in bed with me she doesn't have to wake all the way up to get my attention. She never has to cry in the night. She is happy and well rested, even if I'm not. And part of me thinks I should just stick it out and wait for her to reach the developmental point of sleeping longer on her own. I have thought about sidecarring our crib, but luckily she does nap regularly in her crib and I am loathe to mess with that. Buy another crib?

Parenting is so hard! And I haven't even gotten to the *really* hard decisions!

She is such a happy baby. Aside from the sleep issue, I have nothing to complain about. She is our little angel, always smiling and laughing. She will smile at the air when she wakes up in the morning - she is just happy to be alive. We are so blessed and I fall in love with her more every day.

In cousin Henry's jumperoo - we are definitely getting one of those - she LOVED it. She was squealing with excitement.

Playing on our bed at our beach house in Florida. Such a happy girl.

In the exersaucer on the balcony at the beach house. She also loved the exersaucer - we might have to have one of each. Anything that entertains the baby and gives Mama 15 minutes to make a sammich is a Good Thing - nay, a Necessary Thing.

With her Daddy in the beach house.

Now that's a cute baby.

Yaya taught her to drink water from a cup! She loves it, it's so funny.

Five Generations

2010-10-25T10:32:00.003-05:00

Avery got to meet her 99 year old Great-Great Grandmother AND her Great Grandmother!

Nom nom nom

2010-10-24T12:42:00.000-05:00

Zzzzzz......

2010-10-21T15:03:00.000-05:00

When Avery naps in the Ergo she likes to put her face under the strap - it's so adorable!

Pretty pretty princess

2010-10-18T08:47:00.000-05:00

I thought that hat we tried on in Nordstrom the other day was so cute on Avery, but I didn't want to pay the $25 price for it (yikes!). We were in Hobby Lobby the other day getting some last minute wedding stuff and I found materials to make one for just $2. Score! How fun is this?

I think Avery likes it.

Untitled from Michelle Seiler on Vimeo.

Leaving on a jet plane...

2010-10-15T11:00:00.000-05:00

We're in DC now! On our way to Florida. Avery is becoming quite the little traveler!

Favorite toy

2010-10-12T11:02:00.000-05:00

Is that good stuff?

2010-10-11T11:02:00.000-05:00

Tasting an apple 10.9.10 from Michelle Seiler on Vimeo.

Shopping with the girls

2010-10-10T12:02:00.000-05:00

First Airplane Ride

2010-10-06T16:23:00.000-05:00

Well, Avery survived her first trans-oceanic airplane trip, and I am back on the mainland for the first time since 2008 - yippee! And I am at my parent's house for the first time since 2006.

So how was the trip? Avery was a dream baby. And thus I did not have an anxiety attack at 40,000 ft in the air. She rode happily in her Ergo, watching all the new sights in the airport, she sat quietly chomping on her toys in the airplane, and she went down easily and took a nice nap on me. Everyone around us was commenting on what a good baby she was! EXCEPT... when we were descending on our first flight into Los Angeles, she cried the whole time. For about thirty minutes! It was AWFUL! Poor baby's ears were bothering her :( I felt so bad. I kept trying to get her to nurse, but I had nursed not long before we started descending so there wasn't much (if any?) milk left and she wasn't swallowing. She kept looking up at me with these big, hurt eyes like why can't you make it stop mom?? :(

I felt terrible. Of course, she was totally fine as soon as we landed, back to her normal smiling, chirping self. The next flight I made sure to save one side for when we were going down. But she fell asleep and slept the whole way so I didn't have to worry about it.

The hardest part was going through security - I had Avery in the Ergo, and our carseat (which I gate-checked) and the stroller base for it, plus the diaper bag and a rolling carry on packed with extra diapers, wipes, changes of clothes for both of us, my laptop and the boppy pillow. I looked like a pack mule!

I couldn't have picked a better time to come home, either. The weather is spectacular here right now - mid-seventies, sunny and DRY! I haven't been in DRY weather in forever. I love me some desert climate.

We are on our way to my sister's wedding at the end of this month in Florida and on the way we'll be stopping in Washington DC to see Avery's new little cousin. It's Avery's first big adventure.